Just Rub Some Sugar On It

Apparently this shit isn't dead.

2009-03-06T11:36:00.001-05:00

So check this site out, especially the sex posts. You WILL laugh your ass off.

F My Life dot Com

Boom. Roasted!

2009-03-04T11:03:00.002-05:00

Cornell called, they think you suck, and you're gayer than Oscar. Boom. Roasted.

This is why failblog is the best website ever

2009-03-03T22:33:00.001-05:00

Oh Yea!

Lightning Bolt of the week - McNuggets Edition

2009-03-03T21:43:00.004-05:00

turns out that if you want McNuggets - you really want them. If they run out I think calling 911 three (3!) is certainly in order

Stupid Lady calls 911 3 times in an attempt to get her McNuggets

LBotW - Why haven't we posted in 3 months edition

2009-02-02T21:40:00.002-05:00

So I just decided about 5 minutes ago I'm not giving up without a fight - let's keep posting stupid youtube videos until the man won't let us anymore. We can't stop just because we're too f#$%ing lazy dammit!

The future is so bright here I gotta wear shades

I could totally do that

2008-10-28T20:33:00.001-04:00

Does this swing the tide in McCain's favor?

2008-10-16T14:20:00.003-04:00

Only if he's saying "Grr, I'm gonna getcha!"

From my wife via Yahoo!

Camping trip this weekend, including beer. Maybe there will be pictures?

I treat my objects like women

2008-10-14T10:13:00.000-04:00

Heard this on NLO.

just 35 minutes of people getting jacked up

2008-10-06T17:18:00.001-04:00

The ULTIMATE COMPILATION!!!
Uploaded by phillyblacklite

Half-assed recap anyone? OK, half-assed recap it is.

2008-10-02T21:43:00.010-04:00

Thursday: Arrived in Cbus. Went to the Library to watch the USC/Beavers game. Beavers for the win. Drank gin.

Friday: Yeti vomits at 9 AM. Shower, get Arby's drive through. Get on 270. Vomit in car - more specifically in Arby's bag, which is in the car. Clock reads 12:30. Double puke. Whee!

Get to south bend, hangovers abound. Watch "Leave it to the Real Beavers" in Walter's living room while waiting for him. Checked out campus. Saw two guys in gay hats hugging.

Went to eat huge burgers. Then went to some bar. There were a couple awesome people we had to document:
This guy still had the tag on his sport coat:

This guy had a tattoo that said "Made in Taiwan" on his neck:

This guy had a misshaped bald head:

Then we went home and watched Open Water 2: Adrift. Watch it, it's breathtaking!!

Saturday we went to the game. Game started at 3:30, tailgating started around 9. I had a hangover and needed to poop because of the big burger. Failure abounded. Drinking proceeded slowly for me. Walter and the Yeti drank the beers shotgun style:

We took one picture that we can frame and put by our beds so we can sleep near each other every night:

The game was OK. More like Pur-don't!!

Then we went back to the tailgate, a few more beers, some more at Walter's house and then sleep.

On the trip back, we documented a house with three (THREE!!!) cameros in front of it. Check this sweet shit out:

(God Bless The Midwest)

All in all, a great weekend. Next year we'll convene in Columbus Ohio.

Bring your green hat

2008-09-25T12:46:00.003-04:00

Weekend Itinerary:

Thursday evening fly BWI - CMH. Get picked up from airport by Yeti. Proceed to drink at The Library. Maybe get a little drunk.

Friday: Drive from Columbus to South Bend, IN to stay with the ever-so-popular Walter Shobchak. Proceed to wear red satin jacket (cause that's what they like in South Bend) and drink copious amounts of booze. Then eat a sub and pass out.

Saturday: Tailgate with many Catholics, do my best to fit in and not make fun of Charlie Weis. Go to Purdue (apparently it's more like PurDon't) ND game at 2:30. Fall asleep from the lack of offense, then wake up to watch the final game winning field goal drive. Tailgate more after game, then drink till we can't feel feelings anymore.

Sunday: Drag ass back to Cbus to catch flight back to DC.

(Maybe) We'll post some pictures from the weekend when we're back. Not sure if we'll remember to take any (or if Walter can keep his sack out of any of them).

Damn

2008-09-25T12:04:00.001-04:00

Just wow

2008-09-25T10:30:00.003-04:00

So apparently this story is among the most popular on CNN.com right now.

A couple thoughts:

Have you ever heard of any Irish people offering free booze to the first 50 families that move to their neighborhood?

What about black people offering a 12 month supply of fried chicken?

No, you haven't, because that would be considered extremely racist and stereotypical.

However, since they're offering money it's ok - money is the standard by which we trade goods and compensate people for their work. Except that money is like crack for Jewish people.

Also, there aren't really any Jews in the south - if these people really wanted to live around lots of other Jews, they could move to Brooklyn. I heard there are a lot of Jewish people in New York.

best compilation ever

2008-09-24T14:41:00.001-04:00

Duck, Duck, Canada

2008-09-23T16:59:00.000-04:00

Feelin the flow. Workin it - workin it

2008-09-23T13:15:00.001-04:00

So the US won the Ryder cup for the first time in like 75 years. Boo (Boo!!!) Weekley was celebrating while playing. Check him out.

Talk about a hole in one...

Friends are good

2008-09-18T12:00:00.000-04:00

Sums Down!

2008-09-18T08:33:00.002-04:00

US Economy reeeeeery bad.

Maybe they sell us cats for cheap!

Belly belly belly

2008-09-16T18:21:00.001-04:00

Flop.

Lighting Bolt of the Week

2008-09-15T15:25:00.001-04:00

been pretty busy lately - missed a few posts - hopefully bringing some funny will make up for my absence.

Mini Golf is Dangerous

2008-09-15T10:23:00.004-04:00

Art's Flip Out of the Week

2008-09-12T12:15:00.002-04:00

Lion has a mouthful
Indian's taste like curry
Just like stretch armstrong

You, Sir, are a weak, timid, and untrustworthy homosexual . . .

2008-09-11T20:29:00.003-04:00

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

Why ART keeps getting flat tires

2008-09-09T15:39:00.001-04:00

Maybe he shouldn't ride his bike like this:

CNN isn't the only one

2008-09-04T12:11:00.003-04:00

My favorite part isn't even the obviously widely disparate headlines - it is that on the Obama cover all the people in the pictures on the side are smiling, but on the Palin cover they all look upset. Check the story here

What are you trying to say, CNN?

2008-09-04T09:19:00.002-04:00

Look familiar? No? How about now?

By God, he's got a point

2008-09-03T21:19:00.004-04:00

Aside from smelling what Barack is cooking, I really couldn't be more underwhelmed with the presidential election stuff going on right now.

Not sure why I clicked on it, but Penn Jillette has a great opinion article over at CNN right now.

Some highlights:

The president being smart, charismatic, and a great leader probably isn't the best thing.

"Everyone I talk to seems to think the president of the United States right now is stupid. The Bush presidency is stupid speeches, stupid high gas prices, stupid bad economy, stupid war on terrorism, stupid war on drugs, stupid hurricane fixing, stupid global warming, stupid war -- stupid, stupid, stupid."

"The idea, especially from the Democrats that I know, is, we just get a smarter guy in the White House, and all the problems will go away. We'll have smart speeches, smart high gas prices, smart bad economy, smart war on terrorism, smart war on drugs, smart hurricanes, smart global warming, smart war in Georgia -- smart, smart, smart."

Now Jillette is a firmly entrenched Libertarian (he quotes the Cato Institute a few times), but he's got some good points.

Although, when politics are involved maybe people are just voting for the tits.

I could go for a Guinness

2008-09-02T09:38:00.002-04:00

Surprise!

2008-08-29T14:17:00.004-04:00

SEC schools suck academically. But, they're good at football. Is there a connection?

Maybe Notre Dame can use the old academic standard excuse after all.

Wait a minute... Notre Dame is ranked number 18, and Stanford is 4?!

Didn't Stanford win last year, with a better academic ranking?

Less than half-assed college football preview

2008-08-28T16:27:00.002-04:00

Winner of Everything - Notre Dame*

Everybody knows real football starts next week when the Giants defend on Thursday night, and the Irish kick off their season on Saturday against mighty SDSU. I'm not sure why ND isn't playing this weekend. Thanks for fucking up our schedule Kevin White.

* Now I just wish I could convince myself this is true.

The Yeti is a twat

2008-08-28T11:54:00.006-04:00

I have no problem with a half-assed preview. However, it just came to my attention after actually reading the Yeti's article that he spelled the name of the only two-time Heisman Trophy winner incorrectly. Since he's a Buckeye, this is unacceptable. Before he goes and spell-corrects it, I took a screen shot to prove how wrong his spelling was.

Here it is:

I'm sorry Archie Griffin, please don't hurt us.

Half-Assed College Football Preview part 2

2008-08-28T11:16:00.005-04:00

Keeping things half-assed:

ACC
As our Chinese friends say, Clemenson

Big East
To appease Squirrels WVU

Big 10
Because Bucky Badger can't stop the run OSU

Big 12
Because some 10 year old in front of me at the Nats game last night had a Sooners shirt OU

SEC
Because their running back is named Knowshawn Georgia

Pac-10
Because of Prefontaine Oregon

Norte Dame will win 9, including the first ever Yeti/Walter/Ron Burgundy ND/Purdue Drinkfest (not to be confused with the ART/Walter/Ron Maryland/WVU drinkfest)

Michigan will win 7

Maryland will win 6 but will not close out the basement of the ACC Atlantic division

Tim Tebow will hold at least 15 prepubescent Indonesian penises during the season, maybe all at once

Beanie Wells will win the Heisman

Oklahoma will win the national championship over Florida

We all will love college football.

College Football

2008-08-28T09:20:00.005-04:00

I am far too lazy and have way too much else to do to write up a real preview for the football season. So I took about 15 solid minutes to figure out how I think things might finish if all the games play out the way I think they will (read: want them to).

(Note: For people like Ron Burgandy, the teams are listed in order of predicted finish, the only time a conference champion is listed is when there is a split conference and a championship game. Otherwise the team at the top is the conference champion. And Yes, there are more teams in the non-BCS conferences, but don't pretend for a second that you or I care about them.)

ACC
Atlantic	Coastal
Clemson	Virginia Tech
Boston College	Georgia Tech
Wake Forest	Miami
Florida State	North Carolina
NC State	Virginia
Maryland	Duke

Champion: Clemson

Big 12
North	South
Missouri	Texas Tech
Kansas	Oklahoma
Nebraska	Texas
Colorado	Texas A&M
Kansas State	Oklahoma State
Iowa State	Baylor

Champion: Missouri

Big East

Pittsburgh

WVU

Cincinnati

South Florida

Rutgers

Uconn

Louisville

Syracuse

Big Ten

Ohio State

Wisconsin

Michigan State

Penn State

Illinois

Michigan

Purdue

Indiana

Northwestern

Minnesota

Iowa

Pac 10

USC

Arizona State

Oregon State

California

Arizona

Oregon

UCLA

Stanford

Washington

Washington State

SEC
East	West
Georgia	Auburn
Florida	LSU
South Carolina	Alabama
Tennessee	Mississippi
Vanderbilt	Arkansas
Kentucky	Mississippi State

Champion: Auburn

Sun Belt	WAC
Florida Atlantic	Fresno State

Mountain West	Notre Dame
BYU	Notre Dame

MAC
West	East
Central Michigan	Miami (OH)

Champion: Central Michigan

C-USA
West	East
Tulsa	Southern Miss

Champion: Southern Miss

And lastly since I don't believe in preseason top 25s, a look at what the top 25 could look like at the end of the year (before the bowls) if all these things play out...

Top 25

Ohio State

Missouri

USC

Auburn

Clemson

Georgia

Texas Tech

Oklahoma

Wisconsin

BYU

Florida

Texas

Pittsburgh

Kansas

Arizona State

WVU

Virginia Tech

LSU

Cincinnati

Michigan State

Penn State

Alabama

Fresno State

Wake Forest

Illinois

Heisman Finalists:
Graham Harrell -- Texas Tech
Chase Daniel -- Missouri (winner)
Chris Wells -- Ohio State
Pat White -- WVU
Knowshon Moreno --Georgia

So yeah, I am a homer and think (hope) Ohio State can knock USC off and have another shot at a mythical national title. Since these predictions will probably be wildly off the mark feel free to make as much fun as possible of the picks when Northwestern wins the Big 10 and Tim Tebow passes for 3,000 yards, rushes for 2,000 yards and performs 6 miracles to equal Archie Griffin* in the Heisman department.

Week 1 round up of games

*even spelled correct now

Oh, David

2008-08-27T11:26:00.001-04:00

Fail

2008-08-27T10:41:00.000-04:00

Not much to add to this, just look away during the pole vault.

College Football is upon us

2008-08-27T10:11:00.003-04:00

I have been holding out on this little bit of wisdom until an appropriate time, and with college football kicking off tomorrow this is it.

And that is the story of how the pillow Fighting Irish came to have 96.7 million fans even though only like 13 people have actually gone to school there.

Lightning Bolt of the Week!

2008-08-27T09:29:00.001-04:00

Late as usual - Summer's over this weekend. Bad news b/c summer is typically pretty sweet. Good news b/c football also starts this weekend. All these changes kind of have me blown away.

Just like this kid:

High Voltage Rock and Roll!!

2008-08-23T16:53:00.001-04:00

What did you guys have for lunch?

2008-08-22T13:19:00.000-04:00

Gold Medal What?

2008-08-22T09:27:00.002-04:00

Tip of the hat to awful announcing for uncovering this Olympic gem.

Listen to Tiki at about the :25-:28 mark

Olympic Update 2
Uploaded by bsap11

Does your face feel ok?

2008-08-21T11:17:00.000-04:00

Golden

2008-08-21T09:55:00.002-04:00

As my idol once said, I'd like to be friends with it.

USA! USA!! USA!!!

Now Presenting - Fail Blog

2008-08-20T11:13:00.002-04:00

Do yourself a favor and go to Fail Blog. Holy shit this site is hilarious.

An example of the kind of great things you'll see

I present "Cake Wrecks"

2008-08-19T11:00:00.001-04:00

Cake Wrecks basically just has a bunch of photos like the ones below with pictures of crazy cakes, or crazy things written on cakes. There are some real dumb people out there - thank God thay are putting icing on cakes and not performing surgery on people.

Hey NBC, Fuck You

2008-08-18T23:47:00.004-04:00

NBC just gave tips on how to deal with sleep deprivation while watching the olympics.

#5: Skip work (you're not going to see another Olympics like this anyways).

Yea, no shit. Until someone else covers the Olympics. Then maybe we'll see a decent Olympics. There's good coverage, but not on NBC. You can show basketball live, but track gets tape delayed 12+ hours. The world record was set in the men's 100, for fuck's sake. CNN.com told me all about it. However, I couldn't find video anywhere cause your stupid fuckhole asses have the Olympics on lockdown.

Just now, Cris Collinsworth just creamed himself talking about Michael Phelps. There's a lot more going on besides Phelps. Yes, he did something amazing. No, we won't see it again soon. But he's from Towson, not Baltimore. He goes to M*ch*g*n. His ass pales in comparison to Misty May-Treanor's. So let the American public form their own opinion, for fuck's sake.

I love the Olympics. I want to see track and field. I want to see basketball. I want to see soccer. I want to see swimming. Fuck, I like to watch badminton when it's good. I don't want to watch someone warm up for a swim when I know that somewhere in Beijing there's good competition going on. And for the love of god, I don't want to see Bob Costas in front of Chairman Mao while he talks about how much he loves the Great Wall.

NBC - You're a bunch of bullshit. In my household we learned at a young age that CBC has much better olympic coverage. Fuck you. I'm 300% afraid of what you'll do to the Super Bowl.

Word.

2008-08-18T23:28:00.001-04:00

If the kids can fight, the kids should drink.

Good to see Ohio State at the forefront of something other than a riot.

Lightning Bolt Monday - Back to the Future Edition

2008-08-18T11:44:00.004-04:00

If you were like me as a kid and/or you just generally don't suck at life you love Back to the Future.

Even so, I'd have to question paying $55,000 for this:

If it worked, it might be worth it, but not just to hang on the wall

I think the shoes would be well worth it though.

Only a couple grand to pick these beauties up

Art's Flip Out of the Week

2008-08-18T11:41:00.004-04:00

Girl blocks with her face
Happens to be with the hulk
his dong is pale green

This should help tourism

2008-08-18T11:41:00.002-04:00

Aussie mayor urges unattractive women to move into town

The mayor of an Australian outback mining town has come under fire for urging unattractive women to move in, assuring them they will find a man because there is a shortage of women.
John Moloney, mayor of Mount Isa in northwestern Queensland, told a newspaper his town was a place for "ugly ducklings to flourish into beautiful swans" and called on the "beauty-disadvantaged" to flock there.

In the face of outrage over his remarks, Moloney stood by his comments, saying he did not mean to cause offence but wanted to highlight the gender imbalance in the remote town of some 25,000 people.

"Well I said beauty disadvantaged," he told national radio. "Now beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Beauty can be a good set of teeth, beauty is nice wavy hair. Beauty can be blue eyes or green eyes.

"There is such a thing as disposition, temperament, manners, general attractiveness, attitude and demeanour, all those things tend to make a person attractive."

Mount Isa city councillor Gary Asmus said that while there was a shortage of women, Moloney's comments were an insult to the town's menfolk.

The mayor was "returning us to the Dark Ages and making the guys that live in this town seem like sex-hungry starved men that will pounce upon the first girl that they see walking down the street," he said.

Anne Morris, who has lived in Mount Isa for 50 years, told the radio she had not come across anyone who she would call ugly.

"The people that are coming into town now are coming here to work and find a house and live and bring up their families, but with these sort of comments ... I'd say 'humph, fancy going up to that place'," she said.

The operations manager of the city's popular Irish club, Bernard Gillick, said he sees the gender imbalance daily but suggests the mayor's solution might not be the right one.

"Anyone who moves to Mount Isa, beautiful or not so beautiful, they have a great chance to make a great life here. It is a fantastic town." he said.

"If guys have the right attitude then, you know, any type of girl will be happy to be with them so maybe the guys need to fix their attitudes a little bit."

I'm Ron Burgundy's Computer

2008-08-17T17:18:00.000-04:00

Pork Chop Sandwiches

2008-08-14T23:58:00.001-04:00

language extremely NSFW, but very entertaining

IRB's Classy People of the Week: August 14th

2008-08-14T14:39:00.003-04:00

This post could also be named: Reasons the French suck, part 3

As an athlete the goal is always to win (unless you're Larry Hughes). This being the case, a lot of times a win is necessary for the athlete and his team to succeed and reach the next level. Many times athletes step over the line of being smart and begin to make guarantees. There is nothing classier than a guaranteed win. Except a guaranteed win that doesn't work out.

Example 1: Fresh in our minds

Some stupid world-record holding Frog said "The Americans? We're going to smash them. That's what we came here for." Sounds like a guarantee to me. Except he got caught by a 31-year old anchor leg that was a full length behind with 50 meters to go. Douchebag.

Example 2: Is it even an accomplishment?

"We're going to win next week," Hart said. "There's no question in my mind. I guarantee we will win next week. I'm going to get this team ready. Guaranteed." This is a quote from Michigan's Mighty Mouse, Mike Hart prior to playing Notre Dame. The Michigan-ND game tends to be highly competitive and is a game between traditional powerhouses. This being said, Mike Hart made the guarantee when his team was 0-2, and so was Notre Dame. Way to go after the big guys, douchebag. In other news, I guarantee I'll crush an empty beer can with my bare hands.

Example 3: Guaran-Sheed

Rasheed Wallace is ugly and a jackass. That's all. Also, Detroit lost. Douchebags.

Example 4: Speaking of Detroit...

Jon Kitna - spells his name without the H cause he's too cool. Also guarantees making the playoffs, and subsequently failing. At least Jesus loves him.

Lightning Bolt of the Week - two day late edition

2008-08-13T10:11:00.001-04:00

you stay classy Spain.

Winningest program in college football history my ass

2008-08-12T17:09:00.004-04:00

Via WFNY:

As college football approaches, we'll try to do some ~~heavily biased~~ previewing of the college football season.

I do think, however that we do agree on one thing: Ann Arbor is a whore.

Craig Sager is a perv?

2008-08-12T10:06:00.004-04:00

The DC Sports Bog has been doing some good work in Beijing. Steinberg's interview with Craig Sager is gold.

Check it out.

Surprise! This guy is a creep.

Get pumped up v3.0

2008-08-11T17:06:00.000-04:00

Nike makes good commercials. The Killers make good music.

Im'a get me some of these

2008-08-07T18:14:00.000-04:00

IRB's Classy People of the Week: Olympic edition

2008-08-07T14:48:00.005-04:00

In the Olympic spirit, this week’s classy people are those that are hosting the games - the Chinese. What’s classy about the Chinese? Fashion that ~~just won’t go away~~ is timeless. A blatant disregard for human rights. Seven foot monsters. Eating cats. Filling up American graduate programs. Let’s take a deep look at each of these:

1) Kickin it old school

Some would say that China is becoming increasingly modern - they are coming into the global economy, modernization is rampant, technology is everywhere. This is true - only in the cities. Most of China is more backwoods than a Kentucky swamp. The main modern thing about China is the fact that certain Americans (Art) wear hats that approximate ching-chong hats - that and the fact that they love to wear Nadal pants. That and they love basketball. Lots of ching-chong hip-hop.

2) Human rights

I’m not one to harp about stuff. A lot has been said about Tibet and the situation there. The Olympics bring the host country under a microscope, and this is the biggest story so far. Lots of uber-liberals (see: europe and san francisco) have protested (liberals protest? no...) the Olympic games. I don’t really know much about it, but when China hosts international fight clubs starring Van Damme, I know things are bad. Just check out the crazy dude they entered into the fight, Chong Li.

Side note: Chinese can’t clap or cheer to any discernible beat.

3) Seven foot monsters.

Tell me Yao Ming isn’t a monster. I don’t believe you. Same with Yi Jianlian. Monsters. Injured reserve? I think Yao has been scaling the Empire State Building and the Rockets can’t find him. Injured reserve is a convenient excuse for his not playing.

4) Eating cats.

That’s just gross.

5) Filling up American graduate schools

The other main story coming from Beijing is the weather situation. American cyclists showed up at Bejing’s airport looking like Billy the Kid. This is because the Chinese have such bad pollution (still kickin’ it old school) that the air is horrendously polluted and a smog fills the city. The Chinese think they can fix this. They can - because all their scientists and engineers studied in America, land of all that is good. The Chinese are excellent at filling up graduate programs in the United States, and outperforming the domestics. Maybe it’s cause we like to party. Maybe it’s because we’re sweet. But dammit, the Chinese are classy and there’s nothing we can do to stop them.

Commander Flex Plexico's Mustache of the Week (8/4): Olympic Pump-Up Edition

2008-08-06T20:29:00.005-04:00

What would Pre do . . . . ??

. . . He'd run.

-CFP

Im'a get me one of those

2008-08-05T11:02:00.001-04:00

Via Hot Clicks

ART's (late) Flip out of the Week

2008-08-04T16:07:00.002-04:00

The bulls nostrils flare
Man's anus flares even more
Put a cork in it

Seriously?

2008-08-04T12:56:00.002-04:00

This could also be called why Jimmy Clausen will never be in the room to smell the Heisman

Nice Jacket, douchebag.

Pinkies out makes you classy, don't worry.

Good Morning!

2008-08-01T08:30:00.000-04:00

Assistant to the regional manager reporting

In light of recent events...

2008-07-31T14:37:00.003-04:00

There's a cougar on the University of Maryland's campus!

Why be scared of a cougar?

And

Get some nuts!

2008-07-31T12:41:00.001-04:00

hillarious!!!

Burgundy and Yeti - suck it

2008-07-31T10:40:00.000-04:00

memories huh?

Mets are going to win it all! (or maybe choke epically)

You are a ...

2008-07-28T17:00:00.004-04:00

I have no idea why this site held my attention for a half hour.

You are a...

Who doesn't like a little crotch in the face?

2008-07-28T16:37:00.002-04:00

The rest of the world better like it next month. Get your hyperdunks now!

From the Wall Street Journal today.

Nike Withdraws 'Dunk' Ads Amid Flurry of Complaints
By NICHOLAS CASEY
July 28, 2008; Page B9

Nike Inc. said it dropped a billboard advertisement in response to critics who complained that the basketball-shoe ads were insensitive to gay men and African-Americans.

The ads, designed by ad agency Wieden+Kennedy, promoted a new line of basketball shoes, called Hyperdunk, that are at the center of Nike's Olympics marketing pitch. The ad featured two unidentified male basketball players; as one flew up to the net for an apparent slam dunk, the other was left below, his face smashed into his opponent's groin.

The scene appeared on outdoor ads in Philadelphia, Atlanta and New York, and was subtitled with slogans like "That Ain't Right" and "Isn't That Cute." Its release prompted a number of blogs to lash out at the company for criticizing gays and African-Americans.

The controversy spread when the complaints were posted by media blog Gawker.

Nike didn't immediately respond to the controversy, which began earlier last week. On Friday, Nike, of Beaverton, Ore., said in a statement that it "has a long history of supporting athletes regardless of their sexual orientation" and would drop the ad, which "is based purely upon a common insight from within the game of basketball -- the athletic feat of dunking on the opposition, and is not intended to be offensive." Nike declined further comment.

Wieden+Kennedy, based in Portland, Ore., countered with its own blog post titled "Hypersensitive, y'all?" a move that prompted a number of angry responses from both sides. The company didn't return calls for comment.

Lightning Bolt of the Week: Giant Douche vs. Turd Sandwich Edition

2008-07-28T09:00:00.003-04:00

This Cato Institute piece describes why the economic policies of both candidates suck.

Highlights:
Mr. Obama's fiscal plan is totally implausible. He has, according to the National Taxpayer Union (NTU), already promised to increase spending on a variety of government programs by more than $344 billion per year. He intends to pay for it by increasing taxes on the "wealthy" (the top 1 percent of taxpayers already pay 39percent of the income tax). But the revenue he seeks will not be there, because the rich are able to find many legal (and illegal) ways to avoid paying much higher tax rates. Former Federal Reserve Board member and head of the National Economic Council Lawrence Lindsey has shown how the Obama proposal "would make the private sector $5 poorer in order to make the government $1 richer."

John McCain and his advisers have developed a more responsible fiscal plan, but need to explain more clearly how and where Mr. McCain will reduce spending (in light of his proposed $69 billion spending increases — again using NTU estimates) to attain his projected balanced budget and economic growth targets. If Mr. McCain can clearly articulate and defend his plan, he will have a big advantage against Mr. Obama, whose economic agenda is grossly irresponsible and destructive.

The Cato institute leans libertarian, so the language is slanted anti-Obama. Picking through the language though we see Obama's plan = good ole' tax and spend which has been proven time and again to not work. McCain's plan appears to be "say I'm going to cut spending to balance the budget, but in actuality I'll increase spending without changing taxes so I'll further the debt."

Both plans are irresponsible pieces of crap. Why the hell can't we get a good candidate for POTUS? Since I have been 18 I've gotten GWB 2X, Al Gore, Kerry, and these jokers - wtf

This Wall Street Journal editorial describes why Obama's proposed tax plan will be disastrous.

This graph and the last two paragraphs of the editorial sum it up:

This year, thanks to the credit mess and slower growth, taxes paid by the rich may fall and the deficit will rise. (The nonstimulating tax rebates will also hurt the deficit.) Mr. Obama proposes to close this deficit by raising tax rates on the rich to their highest levels since the late 1970s. The very groups like the Congressional Budget Office and Tax Policy Center that wrongly predicted that the 2003 investment tax cuts would cost about $1 trillion in lost revenue are now saying that repealing those tax cuts would gain similar amounts. We'll wager it'd gain a lot less.

If Mr. Obama does succeed in raising tax rates on the rich, we'd also wager that the rich share of tax payments would fall. The last time tax rates were as high as the Senator wants them -- the Carter years -- the rich paid only 19% of all income taxes, half of the 40% share they pay today. Why? Because they either worked less, earned less, or they found ways to shelter income from taxes so it was never reported to the IRS as income.

Why?

Get pumped up v2.0

2008-07-26T10:08:00.002-04:00

First the 400m final in Hotlanta:

Then the 200m final:

The fastest 200m run since is 0.30 seconds slower than Johnson.

Midget Rape

2008-07-25T15:12:00.001-04:00

Why chase a red cloth when there's a midget to rape?

Art's Flip Out of the Week

2008-07-25T11:58:00.004-04:00

Brand new jean jacket,
Punching and kicking of teeth,
D-bag eats pavement.

2 weeks

2008-07-24T12:05:00.002-04:00

In honor of the Olympics in two weeks, I'm posting this. Barcelona 1992, Derek Redmond in the 400 meters.

Plenty more Olympic pump =-ups to come.

... But I went to high school with John McCain

2008-07-23T22:33:00.001-04:00

Greg Oden. You'll be seeing plenty of him here in the future.

His piano playing at the ESPYs dressed up as Elton John was clutch.

Jonathan the Zombie

2008-07-23T12:17:00.002-04:00

This is Why Radiohead kicks ass

2008-07-23T11:03:00.003-04:00

because they continue to innovate and make badass music and videos.

Here's their latest "House of Cards" from In Rainbows

Here's some behind the scenes vidoes of the technology used to make the video

Here's what Engadget had to say

Lightning Bolt of the Week

2008-07-22T11:58:00.001-04:00

Somebody's late with the post of the week again, but unlike most of you bastards I actually post something.

I was in Atlantic City on Thursday, and then the Jersey shore for a wedding on Saturday. Everything went according to plan (including winning money), but then my flight was delayed on Sunday due to weather, and I missed my connection. So I had to drive home from Detroit to South Bend - got there at 4:30am Monday - sweet.

What does that have to do with my post - nothing! But here are some nerds who built a machine to play guitar hero. I like guitar hero as much as the next guy (don't knock it until you try it), but what kind of fucking uberdork do you have to be to build this machine. These people are huge losers.

Here's their toy:

It's Rush!!!

2008-07-20T19:49:00.001-04:00

Another reason Colbert is the man

IRB's Classy People of the Week: Walter edition

2008-07-17T00:01:00.000-04:00

This week’s “classy people of the week” is a misnomer - Walter is this week’s classy person of the week. Why is Walter classy? Cause it’s his mothafuckin birfday, and we all know Thursday birthdays lead to classy nights out, and even classier hangovers/reduced work productivity on Friday.

For those of you who aren’t too familiar with Walter’s exploits, I’ll sum up why he’s classy in the next few paragraphs. Don’t worry, there will be pictures for you illiterate Jersey trash.

Reason 1: Canadian power trio

Walter loves him some Rush. Alex Lifeson, Neal Peart, and Geddy Lee really rev his engine. I know what you’re thinking - who doesn’t love a smack of Xanadu across the forehead? Everybody loves Rush. It’s Uncanadian not to. However, Walter’s love of Rush exceeds the occasional “It’s Rush!” text message. His love of Rush is such that he gets excited enough to call me an tell me to buy Rock Band just to play Tom Sawyer. Little does he know that ART and I are planning to start a Tom Sawyer cover band. With real instruments.

Reason 2: Publicly blowing Charlie Weis

As any good ~~Catholic~~ ~~college graduate~~ ~~four year old~~ Notre Dame alum does, Walter thoroughly enjoys Notre Dame Football. And to be fair, yes - I personally enjoy a nice sweater vest every now and again. However, my team didn’t lose to Navy this past year. Walter’s shameless love of all things Cheezburger Charlie leads him to continually talk up the playcaller for the Irish, all the while trashing a certain former coach. It’s OK Walter, I hear that having “real academic standards” is a fair excuse for losing to USC all the time. Oh wait...

Reason 3: India

Everyone wants to travel extensively in their life. A lot of people see travel as a bonus when it’s part of their job. Getting a raise to do so is always nice. It’s a great bargaining chip when you point out the lack of modern living as a way to get more money. Walter himself once told me “When I go I’m pretty sure I’m gonna lose 20 pounds from the heat and from shitting my brains out all day”. The classiest part is the fact that he still hasn’t had to go, after 7 months on the job. Way to finagle more money for nothing you jerk. At least whenever you go, you might get to meet her.

Reason 4: KG

No, he’s not Kevin Garnett. He’s the one, the only Kentucky Gentleman. What’s KG? Just piss poor whiskey. When Walter gets too much in him, he morphs into his alter ego, the Shaftmaster*. In attempts to win beer pong matches, Scrotes McGee is known to expose himself as a defensive move. Think the Statue of Liberty play, adapted for beer pong. And including shaft. Pretty much looks like this:

The shot was too far into the video, but search franks and beans on YouTube if you want to laugh for a while. So not only is he competitive, but he’s pretty much a serial flasher. Classy.

So In summation, Walter is classy as hell. I’d love for you all to share your stories about Walter if you have any more in the comments section. Happy Birthday you son of a bitch. Have a pint of the Gent for me. Here’s a song:

Note: I can't believe Shaftmaster.com isn't porn.

Commander Flex Plexico's Mustache of the Week: Jorts Edition

2008-07-16T18:12:00.007-04:00

Summer is in full swing ladies and gentlemen, bring out yer jorts!! I present, for your viewing pleasure, the Mustache of the Week:

Now, you might be asking yourself, "Flex, how can you declare a mustache of the week without actually seeing this gentleman's face??" Well, boys and girl (maybe?? let's not kid ourselves), this fellow quite obviously has a mustache that would make your upper lips' fall off in shame, for a few simple reasons: 1) jorts are rockin' ^ max, most likely with carpenter hammer loop thingy on the other side, 2) even without a full blown mullet, his hair is still trying it's damnedest to be as creepy as possible and throw a party in the back, 3) because fuck shirts, that's why, 4) his wife easily has him outclassed by at least 4 stone, 5) his son's badass rat tail, which I will singlehandedly bring back into style, even if it kills me, 6) I'm going to assume they're in Florida, because it's common knowledge that "The Swamp" in downtown "Gator Country" is the epicenter of all jorts on the planet, as Tim Tebow currently resides there, and 7) sorry to say, but American flag on the wheelchair. Apparently, and I'm pretty sure they have sufficient evidence for this, Canada has some interesting nicknames for the lower 48 (they even have Florida as the "Prince Everhard of the Netherlands", which I'm not going to dispute).

And finally, a big birthday shout-out to Walter:

I'm glad you're finding time to get out on the town this summer, what with your "full-time, real job." Obviously, you brought some work with you in your little backpack.

-CFP

Dance of the Week

2008-07-15T14:52:00.002-04:00

Extreme videos

Dressers may come with a label now: "Warning, do not attempt to include this dresser in any acts of belly-dancing. Dresser may fall on your face."

Lightning Bolt of the Week

2008-07-14T15:36:00.002-04:00

Know who could kill you? Anyone, even your own freaking grandma apparently.

This granny, known as "the black widow", was trying to take out a $100,000 life insurance policy on her own grandson. She has been married five times, and all of her husbands and one of her kids have died under suspicious circumstances. Evidently she's been able to avoid the law by moving around all over the country. She must be one smooth operator, but now they are re-opening the cases of a bunch of deaths of peole close to here. Read the linked story above for all the crazy details, and watch your back next time you visit grandma.

Holy shit, a ninja!

2008-07-13T08:40:00.000-04:00

Art's Flip Out of the Week

2008-07-11T11:47:00.004-04:00

Fat woman in black
Momentum like a freight train
Smells like dead mushrooms

It's just like, It's just like, a mini .... mall!

2008-07-11T07:05:00.002-04:00

Flea Market
Montgemery

In Honor of Footy Fursday . . .

2008-07-10T13:22:00.002-04:00

. . . and

-CFP

Commander Flex Plexico's Mustache of the Week Tutorial

2008-07-09T17:36:00.003-04:00

For those of you (Burgundy) who aren't as blessed as the rest of us.

Dance of the Week

2008-07-08T10:29:00.003-04:00

This week we have a tie for dance of the week.

Score = 8/10 (makes me not want to eat peanut butter and jelly ever again)

Score = 8/10 (dramatic ending)

Two comments:

(1) Pretty sure that girl did not get that big by eating peanut butter and jelly

(2) When will you star in your next musical, Chet?

Friggin Mongeese

2008-07-07T21:31:00.001-04:00

If I learned anything from GI Joe, it's that Cobras suck. Point mongoose

Just 5 minutes and 8 seconds of people wrecking bikes

2008-07-07T10:53:00.002-04:00

What else can you ask for?

(Found on With Leather)

Happy Fourth of July!

2008-07-04T07:03:00.001-04:00

This may never be relevant again

2008-07-01T17:46:00.002-04:00

Scientists and UPenn have engineered a new protein that will induce a protein deficiency in humans that may render AIDS harmless. You can read more about it here.

Why do I bring this up? Because in the future, this might not be funny:

Lightning Bolt of the Week

2008-06-30T16:04:00.002-04:00

If you like Daft Punk, you'll like these videos.

Some people just have way too much time on their hands (give this one a minute to get started)

And who doesn't like scantily clad women

Somebody tell ART

2008-06-30T14:57:00.000-04:00

A complete guide to lifting can be found here.

Euro 2008 Final

2008-06-27T13:43:00.007-04:00

Germany

vs.

Spain

Spain comes into the Euro 2008 championship game having finally shed the title of biennial first round or quarterfinal flameout and will be looking to add only their second ever major tournament title (Euro ’64).

Currently ranked 4^th in the world by FIFA, Spain features a dynamic attack headed by David Villa and Fernando Torres. Unfortunately for Spain it is looking like Villa will be out for the final with a thigh injury, forcing manager Luiz Aragones to go with a 5 man midfield with Torres as the lone striker. It is highly possible that this 5 man midfield will not slow down the Spanish at all; in fact it may make them better allowing for more time in control of the ball against a tactically sound German squad.

Germany, ranked 5th in the world by FIFA, possesses a championship pedigree and will be seeking their 7^th major tournament title (Euro ’72, ’80, ’96, World Cup ’54, ’74, ’90).

Led by Chelsea midfielder Michael Ballack, the Germans were less than dominant in the group stages finishing second in Group B behind Crotia. The tides sure turned in the quarterfinal when they disposed of tourney favorite Portugal. In the semifinal they got by undermanned Turkey, although it sure seemed to this viewer that the Turks played a far superior game, but since it is the final score that matters Germany gets a shot at the title.

Previous Results:

Germany

leads the all time series 8-5-6. Spain won the last meeting in 2003 3-1 at Mallorca.

Prediction:

Based on football: Spain 2-1. Goals from Torres and Fabregas for Spain and Podolski for Germany.

Based on a quick Google image search of their fans:

Art's Flip Out of the Week

2008-06-27T12:13:00.005-04:00

Punches cut the air
Furious Russian police
Don't block with your face

IRB's Classy People of the Week: June 26th

2008-06-26T09:21:00.005-04:00

Everybody loves music, even if it is shitty Swedish music. Almost everybody loves sports (hell even hippies love frisbee). But when the two mix, that's when things are at their classiest. So this week's classy people of the week are athletes who have music albums (also known as mathletes).

I know what you're thinking - how is this different from a celebrity releasing an album and hoping it does well based on their popularity? Well, to begin with athletes are just cooler. It'd be a hell of a lot more fun to hang out with someone like Jon Daly than Johnny Depp any day of the week. They get paid as much, but they get to play games for a living. The American Dream is playing sports for a living (or inventing something dumb like the drop ceiling) and getting rich. If you have the extra cash laying around, why not make an album?

Here's a few reasons why sports albums are ~~shit~~classy:

1) ESPN pushes the fact that they have an album and shove it down our throats - especially if they're from Boston or New York.

Bronson Arroyo plays the guitar. He recorded an album after the Sox won their first recent Series. According to Wikipedia one song on his album was a collaboration with Johnny Damon, Kevin Youkilis, and Lenny Denardo - the fucking Red Sox victory song. Way to cash in on opportunity, douchebag. Nice cornrows by the way. I guess he's going along with the idea that you need to have cornrows to release an album. The precedent has been set in the past, by guys like AI. Cornrows are classy.

2) To be a legit album, you ought to spell your name out as an acronym, like N.E.R.D. or O.A.R.

This is exactly the formula that Kobe (pre-rape) followed to make his album, which featured 50 Cent, Tyra Banks, and Broady Boy. Even more proof that Kobe can't win by himself.

3) You rap about how hard things have been for you (while suspended from your sport)

I know Artest had lots of time on his hands after beating Eminem's ass in the stands in Detroit, but come on - you're a professional athlete, not a rapper. At least he recorded a song about what happened in the Palace. Because we all needed to be reminded of it. Call me when you sell over 400 copies of your album in one week. Making a poor selling album is classy.

4) Your album is in French.

Isn't there some law against French point guards trying to look hard? More on this another day. Tony Parker - reasons the French suck, part 2.

5) One album can't stop you because you're a nonstop rapping machine.

Now Shaq's rapping is awesome, mainly because Shaq is the man. He turns the table on another rapping athlete (and rapist) Kobe Bryant. This happened in the past week and served as my motivation.

You stay Classy Shaq Diesel. Kobe - tell me how my ass taste.

As a side note - Check out Jon Kitna's wikipedia page and pay close attention to his college career. Also worth noting is the fact that he spells his first name without the "H" because he thinks he's too cool for that.

Sweet Berry Wine!

2008-06-24T11:08:00.002-04:00

No way Jose am I spitting this stuff out!

Good thing this is not Europe (part I)

2008-06-24T11:01:00.009-04:00

After being called out yet again by the sweet tat blogmaster himself, I have decided to post a two-parter of why I'm glad that America isn't Europe.

The reason why I'm glad Amurica isn't Europe has nothing to do with economics or global policy. It has to do with culture. And people complain about how Americans have no culture. This isn't true. Hollywood rocks, cowboys rock, cheap and terrible beer rocks, Evangelicals rock, but most importantly, American music rocks. Eurotrash techno and clubbing music might be popular with some Americans, mostly losers (see The Captain's music collection for clarification), but overall European music sucks. This being said, the UK is not part of Europe. The worst part of European music is that everyone once in a while, a song or band leaks its way to mainstream America.

One country that is particularly adept at spreading their filth to America is Sweden.

Don't be fooled by this country's universal health care, free education, beautiful landscapes, and ridiculously hot and easy women. Sweden is a cesspool for horrible music.

There are no less that four Swedish bands that made it big on the American music charts. Not one was a good or even talented band.

Think back to the year of 1986. Now think of the big hair bands that all sucked. Now think of a one hit wonder that any frat boy has on his iPod trying to seem cool and nostalgic. Odds are you might have thought of, or be listening to, Europe and their lame ass song, The Final Countdown. Sorry folks, that is an awful song and is from Sweden.

The next one hit wonder from Sweden that infected our junior high dances paints a bad image for American music. A combination of Eurotrash techno with wannabe country music. That's right Rednex's Cotton-Eyed Joe. This song is awful for two reasons. First, it paints a bad image for an already laughed at Americana music, country. The world hates country, most of America loves country. Secondly, it just sucks. The chorus is where did you come from, where did you go, where did you come from Cotton-Eyed Joe? I hope there is a ludafisk-eyed Olaf in Sweden who can't see the beauty of his country and their women. Fuck you Rednex.

The next two are Swedish bands that are undermining American music. The first is a band that some people love, most likely New Yorkers. The have a museum designated for them and now have their own musical, Mama Mia!. The only good thing this band has done has been used to answer crossword puzzles. I am referring to the Swedish band of ABBA. That's right. The super successful band that your parents listen to is a god awful Swedish supergroup. They brought hits like Money, Money, Money and Dancing Queen. If you want to hear these songs, The Captain has them on loop in his room for when the ladies come by. Well, ABBA sucks.

The last and final Swedish band ruining American music was huge in elementary school and several readers (posters) probably own this album still. Not me, I never did. I am referring to the mid 90's super group of Ace of Base. All that she wants is to see the sign. Well Ace of Base is complete and utter horse shit. Fuck you Sweden and your shitty music and your beautiful and easy women.

And if anyone doesn't believe me that Sweden sucks, read a history book and find out their involvement in World War II. Oh wait, they remained neutral and actually let the Germans help invade Norway and then traded steel with them to help make battleships. To hell with you and your women Sweden.

Lightning Bolt of the Week

2008-06-23T14:57:00.004-04:00

I think I may have reached the end of the interwebs, or life has come full circle, or the ghostbusters have crossed their streams leading to total protonic reversal. Why would I say something like this you ask? The reason is simple - ehow.com (a site about how to do things shockingly enough) now has an article about how to make it rain. Does anyone really need instruction on how to make it rain? And if you are someone going to make it rain, I don't think you're an ehow.com reader.

All you need to do is watch Fat Joe - he'll show you how it's done.

PS - yes, I realize the ehow article is a joke, this post is a joke too - it just isn't funny. Kind of like how Pacman Jones isn't going to be able to play more then 2 games this year b/c he'll go to a strip club and make it rain and the Roger Goodell will kick his ass - literally.