Where's the Beef?

Summer time is best spent by grilling and drinking everyone knows this. It's patriotic to love grilling and drinking. Only hippies and commies don't love grilling and drinking during the summer. But all is not well in this griller's heart.

The Colorado Beef Council is leading governing and advertising group for beef in the US. Their well know slogan is "Beef. It's what's for dinner." Being from Colorado myself, I have a special fondness to these ads, and recently, things are not well. The new spokesman for the Colorado Beef Council is non-other the internationally known sissy man-boy, Matthew McConaughey. Oh yes, it's that bad. Here is one recent add. http://www.cobeef.com/CMDocs/ColoradoBC/0338YNLB%20Colo%20Tag%2030%20sec.mp3

and

http://www.cobeef.com/CMDocs/ColoradoBC/0336YNLB%20Colo%20Tag%2060%20sec.mp3

Now, not that there is anything with beef, but the spokesman should be someone who actually eats beef and doesn't star in chick flicks that his royal gingerness (Captain Insano) owns. The Colorado Beef Council should have stayed with their old spokesman. He alone could win a lifetime achievement award for mustache of the week. He is an actor who only plays cowboys or sergents in wars, not girly men trying to marry JLo (ask Cpt Insano). I am referring to no other than Sam Elliot. He is the real "Beef. It's what's for dinner." guy.

Besides who would you rather eat a manly piece of steak from?

We all know who Jersey would pick, but what about the rest of America?

The Bono Conundrum

There has been some talk on the blog of music as of late, Slash melts faces and Moby is not good. When thinking about music, there is one thing that I can't understand. Why do girls love U2? More specifically, why do girls love Bono?

You can see my confusion. Why would anybody love this man? So, I took it upon myself to find out why and questioned some mildly attractive impressionable hippie girl who is in college and was wearing a I love Bono T-shirt. This is why chicks love Bono

1) He is sexy.

WRONG! I hate to break it to you ladies, but Bono is Irish. We Irish are about the ugliest people in the world, just ahead of New Jerseyans. The dead give aways that Irish people are ugly are the large number of gingers and the fact that most have the drunk red nose.

2) His lyrics are inspirational.

WRONG! His lyrics suck. A mole, digging in a hole, digging up my soul, going down, excavation (from Elevation). Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah (from that other shitty song).

3) He is a worldly man.

WRONG! No matter where you are from and where you have been if you can't count to 4 in the third most common spoken language in the world and live and work in a country where it is the second most common spoken language, you are not worldly. He either doesn't know the word for four or is a dumbass and thinks that fourteen comes after three.

4) He truly cares about his fellow man.

WRONG! He is pretentious. Just watch, if you can stomach it.

5) He wants World Peace.

MAYBE. But World Peace is for sissies and Europeans.

For all of you out there that love U2, go for the talented one, The Edge, not the sissy one.

Because after all, Bono has never killed the white whale, killed Nazis several times, been Atticus Finch, or fathered the anti-Christ. Only one man has, and he is a true man. His name is Gregory Peck, and he hates Commies and World Peace.

Slash - Face-Melter Extraordinaire

There's been a lot of talk on Tuesdays about face-melting. While IRB? is 100% correct with RUSH melting faces on a daily basis, some contributors are unaware what constitutes face-melting. For example, the Ginger King thinks that Moby melts faces. CI likes to listen to Moby after frat parties before going to grope on some skanks on the Jersey shore. I hate to break it to him, but Moby is not a face-melter. Moby isn't even good. He probably isn't even a dude.

NOT GOOD

To prevent any discussion about what constitutes as face-melting that might interfere with drinking on Tuesdays, I am going to suggest that one of the top 5 best face-melters of all time is Slash.

What other man can pull off a hoop nose-ring and a top hat while smoking a cigarette and wailing sweet guitar riffs? Slash is the man.

If anyone should doubt that Slash is top 5 face-melters, check out his two guitar solos. One at 4 minutes and the other at 7 minutes.

Ghost of the Week

After being exposed as a ghost last week, I have had some time to think. Some of you right now are getting chubs thinking about Dan Aykroyd and Bill Murray and saying, I ain't afraid of no ghosts. Well, there are several reasons not to mess with ghosts. The first is, you can't kill a ghost. Second, we will haunt your ass. Third, we don't sleep. And most importantly, we are selective; there are no ginger ghosts. This is because ginger kids have no souls.

Don't mess with ghosts, unless you happen to be one, or want to be one, except gingers.

The Burgundy Special

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