Thursday, October 16, 2008

Does this swing the tide in McCain's favor?

Only if he's saying "Grr, I'm gonna getcha!"

From my wife via Yahoo!

Camping trip this weekend, including beer. Maybe there will be pictures?

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Thursday, October 2, 2008

Half-assed recap anyone? OK, half-assed recap it is.

Thursday: Arrived in Cbus. Went to the Library to watch the USC/Beavers game. Beavers for the win. Drank gin.

Friday: Yeti vomits at 9 AM. Shower, get Arby's drive through. Get on 270. Vomit in car - more specifically in Arby's bag, which is in the car. Clock reads 12:30. Double puke. Whee!

Get to south bend, hangovers abound. Watch "Leave it to the Real Beavers" in Walter's living room while waiting for him. Checked out campus. Saw two guys in gay hats hugging.

Went to eat huge burgers. Then went to some bar. There were a couple awesome people we had to document:
This guy still had the tag on his sport coat:

This guy had a tattoo that said "Made in Taiwan" on his neck:

This guy had a misshaped bald head:

Then we went home and watched Open Water 2: Adrift. Watch it, it's breathtaking!!

Saturday we went to the game. Game started at 3:30, tailgating started around 9. I had a hangover and needed to poop because of the big burger. Failure abounded. Drinking proceeded slowly for me. Walter and the Yeti drank the beers shotgun style:

We took one picture that we can frame and put by our beds so we can sleep near each other every night:

The game was OK. More like Pur-don't!!

Then we went back to the tailgate, a few more beers, some more at Walter's house and then sleep.

On the trip back, we documented a house with three (THREE!!!) cameros in front of it. Check this sweet shit out:

(God Bless The Midwest)

All in all, a great weekend. Next year we'll convene in Columbus Ohio.

Thursday, September 25, 2008

Bring your green hat

Weekend Itinerary:

Thursday evening fly BWI - CMH. Get picked up from airport by Yeti. Proceed to drink at The Library. Maybe get a little drunk.

Friday: Drive from Columbus to South Bend, IN to stay with the ever-so-popular Walter Shobchak. Proceed to wear red satin jacket (cause that's what they like in South Bend) and drink copious amounts of booze. Then eat a sub and pass out.

Saturday: Tailgate with many Catholics, do my best to fit in and not make fun of Charlie Weis. Go to Purdue (apparently it's more like PurDon't) ND game at 2:30. Fall asleep from the lack of offense, then wake up to watch the final game winning field goal drive. Tailgate more after game, then drink till we can't feel feelings anymore.

Sunday: Drag ass back to Cbus to catch flight back to DC.

(Maybe) We'll post some pictures from the weekend when we're back. Not sure if we'll remember to take any (or if Walter can keep his sack out of any of them).


Just wow

So apparently this story is among the most popular on right now.

A couple thoughts:

Have you ever heard of any Irish people offering free booze to the first 50 families that move to their neighborhood?

What about black people offering a 12 month supply of fried chicken?

No, you haven't, because that would be considered extremely racist and stereotypical.

However, since they're offering money it's ok - money is the standard by which we trade goods and compensate people for their work. Except that money is like crack for Jewish people.

Also, there aren't really any Jews in the south - if these people really wanted to live around lots of other Jews, they could move to Brooklyn. I heard there are a lot of Jewish people in New York.

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Duck, Duck, Canada

Feelin the flow. Workin it - workin it

So the US won the Ryder cup for the first time in like 75 years. Boo (Boo!!!) Weekley was celebrating while playing. Check him out.

Talk about a hole in one...

Thursday, September 18, 2008

Monday, September 15, 2008

Lighting Bolt of the Week

been pretty busy lately - missed a few posts - hopefully bringing some funny will make up for my absence.

Mini Golf is Dangerous

Friday, September 12, 2008

Art's Flip Out of the Week

Lion has a mouthful
Indian's taste like curry
Just like stretch armstrong

Tuesday, September 9, 2008

Thursday, September 4, 2008

CNN isn't the only one

My favorite part isn't even the obviously widely disparate headlines - it is that on the Obama cover all the people in the pictures on the side are smiling, but on the Palin cover they all look upset. Check the story here

What are you trying to say, CNN?

Look familiar? No? How about now?

Wednesday, September 3, 2008

By God, he's got a point

Aside from smelling what Barack is cooking, I really couldn't be more underwhelmed with the presidential election stuff going on right now.

Not sure why I clicked on it, but Penn Jillette has a great opinion article over at CNN right now.

Some highlights:

The president being smart, charismatic, and a great leader probably isn't the best thing.

"Everyone I talk to seems to think the president of the United States right now is stupid. The Bush presidency is stupid speeches, stupid high gas prices, stupid bad economy, stupid war on terrorism, stupid war on drugs, stupid hurricane fixing, stupid global warming, stupid war -- stupid, stupid, stupid."

"The idea, especially from the Democrats that I know, is, we just get a smarter guy in the White House, and all the problems will go away. We'll have smart speeches, smart high gas prices, smart bad economy, smart war on terrorism, smart war on drugs, smart hurricanes, smart global warming, smart war in Georgia -- smart, smart, smart."

Now Jillette is a firmly entrenched Libertarian (he quotes the Cato Institute a few times), but he's got some good points.

Although, when politics are involved maybe people are just voting for the tits.

Friday, August 29, 2008


SEC schools suck academically. But, they're good at football. Is there a connection?

Maybe Notre Dame can use the old academic standard excuse after all.

Wait a minute... Notre Dame is ranked number 18, and Stanford is 4?!

Didn't Stanford win last year, with a better academic ranking?

Thursday, August 28, 2008

Less than half-assed college football preview

Winner of Everything - Notre Dame*

Everybody knows real football starts next week when the Giants defend on Thursday night, and the Irish kick off their season on Saturday against mighty SDSU. I'm not sure why ND isn't playing this weekend. Thanks for fucking up our schedule Kevin White.

* Now I just wish I could convince myself this is true.

The Yeti is a twat

I have no problem with a half-assed preview. However, it just came to my attention after actually reading the Yeti's article that he spelled the name of the only two-time Heisman Trophy winner incorrectly. Since he's a Buckeye, this is unacceptable. Before he goes and spell-corrects it, I took a screen shot to prove how wrong his spelling was.

Here it is:

I'm sorry Archie Griffin, please don't hurt us.

Half-Assed College Football Preview part 2

Keeping things half-assed:

As our Chinese friends say, Clemenson

Big East
To appease Squirrels WVU

Big 10
Because Bucky Badger can't stop the run OSU

Big 12
Because some 10 year old in front of me at the Nats game last night had a Sooners shirt OU

Because their running back is named Knowshawn Georgia

Because of Prefontaine Oregon

Norte Dame will win 9, including the first ever Yeti/Walter/Ron Burgundy ND/Purdue Drinkfest (not to be confused with the ART/Walter/Ron Maryland/WVU drinkfest)

Michigan will win 7

Maryland will win 6 but will not close out the basement of the ACC Atlantic division

Tim Tebow will hold at least 15 prepubescent Indonesian penises during the season, maybe all at once

Beanie Wells will win the Heisman

Oklahoma will win the national championship over Florida

We all will love college football.

College Football

I am far too lazy and have way too much else to do to write up a real preview for the football season. So I took about 15 solid minutes to figure out how I think things might finish if all the games play out the way I think they will (read: want them to).

(Note: For people like Ron Burgandy, the teams are listed in order of predicted finish, the only time a conference champion is listed is when there is a split conference and a championship game. Otherwise the team at the top is the conference champion. And Yes, there are more teams in the non-BCS conferences, but don't pretend for a second that you or I care about them.)

Atlantic Coastal
Clemson Virginia Tech
Boston College Georgia Tech
Wake Forest Miami
Florida State North Carolina
NC State Virginia
Maryland Duke

Champion: Clemson

Big 12
North South
Missouri Texas Tech
Kansas Oklahoma
Nebraska Texas
Colorado Texas A&M
Kansas State Oklahoma State
Iowa State Baylor
Champion: Missouri

Big East
South Florida

Big Ten
Ohio State
Michigan State
Penn State

Pac 10
Arizona State
Oregon State
Washington State

East West
Georgia Auburn
Florida LSU
South Carolina Alabama
Tennessee Mississippi
Vanderbilt Arkansas
Kentucky Mississippi State
Champion: Auburn

Sun Belt WAC
Florida Atlantic Fresno State

Mountain West Notre Dame
BYU Notre Dame

West East
Central Michigan Miami (OH)
Champion: Central Michigan

West East
Tulsa Southern Miss
Champion: Southern Miss

And lastly since I don't believe in preseason top 25s, a look at what the top 25 could look like at the end of the year (before the bowls) if all these things play out...

Top 25
Ohio State
Texas Tech
Arizona State
Virginia Tech
Michigan State
Penn State
Fresno State
Wake Forest

Heisman Finalists:
Graham Harrell -- Texas Tech
Chase Daniel -- Missouri (winner)
Chris Wells -- Ohio State
Pat White -- WVU
Knowshon Moreno --Georgia

So yeah, I am a homer and think (hope) Ohio State can knock USC off and have another shot at a mythical national title. Since these predictions will probably be wildly off the mark feel free to make as much fun as possible of the picks when Northwestern wins the Big 10 and Tim Tebow passes for 3,000 yards, rushes for 2,000 yards and performs 6 miracles to equal Archie Griffin* in the Heisman department.

Week 1 round up of games

*even spelled correct now

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Oh, David


Not much to add to this, just look away during the pole vault.

College Football is upon us

I have been holding out on this little bit of wisdom until an appropriate time, and with college football kicking off tomorrow this is it.

And that is the story of how the pillow Fighting Irish came to have 96.7 million fans even though only like 13 people have actually gone to school there.

Lightning Bolt of the Week!

Late as usual - Summer's over this weekend. Bad news b/c summer is typically pretty sweet. Good news b/c football also starts this weekend. All these changes kind of have me blown away.

Just like this kid:

Saturday, August 23, 2008

Friday, August 22, 2008

What did you guys have for lunch?

Gold Medal What?

Tip of the hat to awful announcing for uncovering this Olympic gem.

Listen to Tiki at about the :25-:28 mark

Thursday, August 21, 2008

Does your face feel ok?


As my idol once said, I'd like to be friends with it.


Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Now Presenting - Fail Blog

Do yourself a favor and go to Fail Blog. Holy shit this site is hilarious.

An example of the kind of great things you'll see

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

I present "Cake Wrecks"

Cake Wrecks basically just has a bunch of photos like the ones below with pictures of crazy cakes, or crazy things written on cakes. There are some real dumb people out there - thank God thay are putting icing on cakes and not performing surgery on people.

Monday, August 18, 2008

Hey NBC, Fuck You

NBC just gave tips on how to deal with sleep deprivation while watching the olympics.

#5: Skip work (you're not going to see another Olympics like this anyways).

Yea, no shit. Until someone else covers the Olympics. Then maybe we'll see a decent Olympics. There's good coverage, but not on NBC. You can show basketball live, but track gets tape delayed 12+ hours. The world record was set in the men's 100, for fuck's sake. told me all about it. However, I couldn't find video anywhere cause your stupid fuckhole asses have the Olympics on lockdown.

Just now, Cris Collinsworth just creamed himself talking about Michael Phelps. There's a lot more going on besides Phelps. Yes, he did something amazing. No, we won't see it again soon. But he's from Towson, not Baltimore. He goes to M*ch*g*n. His ass pales in comparison to Misty May-Treanor's. So let the American public form their own opinion, for fuck's sake.

I love the Olympics. I want to see track and field. I want to see basketball. I want to see soccer. I want to see swimming. Fuck, I like to watch badminton when it's good. I don't want to watch someone warm up for a swim when I know that somewhere in Beijing there's good competition going on. And for the love of god, I don't want to see Bob Costas in front of Chairman Mao while he talks about how much he loves the Great Wall.

NBC - You're a bunch of bullshit. In my household we learned at a young age that CBC has much better olympic coverage. Fuck you. I'm 300% afraid of what you'll do to the Super Bowl.


If the kids can fight, the kids should drink.

Good to see Ohio State at the forefront of something other than a riot.

Lightning Bolt Monday - Back to the Future Edition

If you were like me as a kid and/or you just generally don't suck at life you love Back to the Future.

Even so, I'd have to question paying $55,000 for this:

If it worked, it might be worth it, but not just to hang on the wall

I think the shoes would be well worth it though.

Only a couple grand to pick these beauties up

Art's Flip Out of the Week

Girl blocks with her face
Happens to be with the hulk
his dong is pale green

This should help tourism

Aussie mayor urges unattractive women to move into town

The mayor of an Australian outback mining town has come under fire for urging unattractive women to move in, assuring them they will find a man because there is a shortage of women.
John Moloney, mayor of Mount Isa in northwestern Queensland, told a newspaper his town was a place for "ugly ducklings to flourish into beautiful swans" and called on the "beauty-disadvantaged" to flock there.

In the face of outrage over his remarks, Moloney stood by his comments, saying he did not mean to cause offence but wanted to highlight the gender imbalance in the remote town of some 25,000 people.

"Well I said beauty disadvantaged," he told national radio. "Now beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Beauty can be a good set of teeth, beauty is nice wavy hair. Beauty can be blue eyes or green eyes.

"There is such a thing as disposition, temperament, manners, general attractiveness, attitude and demeanour, all those things tend to make a person attractive."

Mount Isa city councillor Gary Asmus said that while there was a shortage of women, Moloney's comments were an insult to the town's menfolk.

The mayor was "returning us to the Dark Ages and making the guys that live in this town seem like sex-hungry starved men that will pounce upon the first girl that they see walking down the street," he said.

Anne Morris, who has lived in Mount Isa for 50 years, told the radio she had not come across anyone who she would call ugly.

"The people that are coming into town now are coming here to work and find a house and live and bring up their families, but with these sort of comments ... I'd say 'humph, fancy going up to that place'," she said.

The operations manager of the city's popular Irish club, Bernard Gillick, said he sees the gender imbalance daily but suggests the mayor's solution might not be the right one.

"Anyone who moves to Mount Isa, beautiful or not so beautiful, they have a great chance to make a great life here. It is a fantastic town." he said.

"If guys have the right attitude then, you know, any type of girl will be happy to be with them so maybe the guys need to fix their attitudes a little bit."

Sunday, August 17, 2008

Thursday, August 14, 2008

Pork Chop Sandwiches

language extremely NSFW, but very entertaining

IRB's Classy People of the Week: August 14th

This post could also be named: Reasons the French suck, part 3

As an athlete the goal is always to win (unless you're Larry Hughes). This being the case, a lot of times a win is necessary for the athlete and his team to succeed and reach the next level. Many times athletes step over the line of being smart and begin to make guarantees. There is nothing classier than a guaranteed win. Except a guaranteed win that doesn't work out.

Example 1: Fresh in our minds

Some stupid world-record holding Frog said "The Americans? We're going to smash them. That's what we came here for." Sounds like a guarantee to me. Except he got caught by a 31-year old anchor leg that was a full length behind with 50 meters to go. Douchebag.

Example 2: Is it even an accomplishment?

"We're going to win next week," Hart said. "There's no question in my mind. I guarantee we will win next week. I'm going to get this team ready. Guaranteed." This is a quote from Michigan's Mighty Mouse, Mike Hart prior to playing Notre Dame. The Michigan-ND game tends to be highly competitive and is a game between traditional powerhouses. This being said, Mike Hart made the guarantee when his team was 0-2, and so was Notre Dame. Way to go after the big guys, douchebag. In other news, I guarantee I'll crush an empty beer can with my bare hands.

Example 3: Guaran-Sheed

Rasheed Wallace is ugly and a jackass. That's all. Also, Detroit lost. Douchebags.

Example 4: Speaking of Detroit...

Jon Kitna - spells his name without the H cause he's too cool. Also guarantees making the playoffs, and subsequently failing. At least Jesus loves him.

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

Winningest program in college football history my ass


As college football approaches, we'll try to do some heavily biased previewing of the college football season.

I do think, however that we do agree on one thing: Ann Arbor is a whore.

Craig Sager is a perv?

The DC Sports Bog has been doing some good work in Beijing. Steinberg's interview with Craig Sager is gold.

Check it out.

Surprise! This guy is a creep.

Monday, August 11, 2008

Get pumped up v3.0

Nike makes good commercials. The Killers make good music.

Thursday, August 7, 2008

Im'a get me some of these

IRB's Classy People of the Week: Olympic edition

In the Olympic spirit, this week’s classy people are those that are hosting the games - the Chinese. What’s classy about the Chinese? Fashion that just won’t go away is timeless. A blatant disregard for human rights. Seven foot monsters. Eating cats. Filling up American graduate programs. Let’s take a deep look at each of these:

1) Kickin it old school

Some would say that China is becoming increasingly modern - they are coming into the global economy, modernization is rampant, technology is everywhere. This is true - only in the cities. Most of China is more backwoods than a Kentucky swamp. The main modern thing about China is the fact that certain Americans (Art) wear hats that approximate ching-chong hats - that and the fact that they love to wear Nadal pants. That and they love basketball. Lots of ching-chong hip-hop.

2) Human rights

I’m not one to harp about stuff. A lot has been said about Tibet and the situation there. The Olympics bring the host country under a microscope, and this is the biggest story so far. Lots of uber-liberals (see: europe and san francisco) have protested (liberals protest? no...) the Olympic games. I don’t really know much about it, but when China hosts international fight clubs starring Van Damme, I know things are bad. Just check out the crazy dude they entered into the fight, Chong Li.

Side note: Chinese can’t clap or cheer to any discernible beat.

3) Seven foot monsters.

Tell me Yao Ming isn’t a monster. I don’t believe you. Same with Yi Jianlian. Monsters. Injured reserve? I think Yao has been scaling the Empire State Building and the Rockets can’t find him. Injured reserve is a convenient excuse for his not playing.

4) Eating cats.

That’s just gross.

5) Filling up American graduate schools

The other main story coming from Beijing is the weather situation. American cyclists showed up at Bejing’s airport looking like Billy the Kid. This is because the Chinese have such bad pollution (still kickin’ it old school) that the air is horrendously polluted and a smog fills the city. The Chinese think they can fix this. They can - because all their scientists and engineers studied in America, land of all that is good. The Chinese are excellent at filling up graduate programs in the United States, and outperforming the domestics. Maybe it’s cause we like to party. Maybe it’s because we’re sweet. But dammit, the Chinese are classy and there’s nothing we can do to stop them.

Monday, August 4, 2008

ART's (late) Flip out of the Week

The bulls nostrils flare
Man's anus flares even more
Put a cork in it


This could also be called why Jimmy Clausen will never be in the room to smell the Heisman

Nice Jacket, douchebag.

Pinkies out makes you classy, don't worry.

Friday, August 1, 2008

Good Morning!

Assistant to the regional manager reporting

Thursday, July 31, 2008

In light of recent events...

There's a cougar on the University of Maryland's campus!

Why be scared of a cougar?


Get some nuts!


Burgundy and Yeti - suck it

memories huh?

Mets are going to win it all! (or maybe choke epically)

Monday, July 28, 2008

You are a ...

I have no idea why this site held my attention for a half hour.

You are a...

Who doesn't like a little crotch in the face?

The rest of the world better like it next month. Get your hyperdunks now!

From the Wall Street Journal today.

Nike Withdraws 'Dunk' Ads Amid Flurry of Complaints
July 28, 2008; Page B9

Nike Inc. said it dropped a billboard advertisement in response to critics who complained that the basketball-shoe ads were insensitive to gay men and African-Americans.

The ads, designed by ad agency Wieden+Kennedy, promoted a new line of basketball shoes, called Hyperdunk, that are at the center of Nike's Olympics marketing pitch. The ad featured two unidentified male basketball players; as one flew up to the net for an apparent slam dunk, the other was left below, his face smashed into his opponent's groin.

The scene appeared on outdoor ads in Philadelphia, Atlanta and New York, and was subtitled with slogans like "That Ain't Right" and "Isn't That Cute." Its release prompted a number of blogs to lash out at the company for criticizing gays and African-Americans.

The controversy spread when the complaints were posted by media blog Gawker.

Nike didn't immediately respond to the controversy, which began earlier last week. On Friday, Nike, of Beaverton, Ore., said in a statement that it "has a long history of supporting athletes regardless of their sexual orientation" and would drop the ad, which "is based purely upon a common insight from within the game of basketball -- the athletic feat of dunking on the opposition, and is not intended to be offensive." Nike declined further comment.

Wieden+Kennedy, based in Portland, Ore., countered with its own blog post titled "Hypersensitive, y'all?" a move that prompted a number of angry responses from both sides. The company didn't return calls for comment.

Lightning Bolt of the Week: Giant Douche vs. Turd Sandwich Edition

This Cato Institute piece describes why the economic policies of both candidates suck.

Mr. Obama's fiscal plan is totally implausible. He has, according to the National Taxpayer Union (NTU), already promised to increase spending on a variety of government programs by more than $344 billion per year. He intends to pay for it by increasing taxes on the "wealthy" (the top 1 percent of taxpayers already pay 39percent of the income tax). But the revenue he seeks will not be there, because the rich are able to find many legal (and illegal) ways to avoid paying much higher tax rates. Former Federal Reserve Board member and head of the National Economic Council Lawrence Lindsey has shown how the Obama proposal "would make the private sector $5 poorer in order to make the government $1 richer."

John McCain and his advisers have developed a more responsible fiscal plan, but need to explain more clearly how and where Mr. McCain will reduce spending (in light of his proposed $69 billion spending increases — again using NTU estimates) to attain his projected balanced budget and economic growth targets. If Mr. McCain can clearly articulate and defend his plan, he will have a big advantage against Mr. Obama, whose economic agenda is grossly irresponsible and destructive.

The Cato institute leans libertarian, so the language is slanted anti-Obama. Picking through the language though we see Obama's plan = good ole' tax and spend which has been proven time and again to not work. McCain's plan appears to be "say I'm going to cut spending to balance the budget, but in actuality I'll increase spending without changing taxes so I'll further the debt."

Both plans are irresponsible pieces of crap. Why the hell can't we get a good candidate for POTUS? Since I have been 18 I've gotten GWB 2X, Al Gore, Kerry, and these jokers - wtf

This Wall Street Journal editorial describes why Obama's proposed tax plan will be disastrous.

This graph and the last two paragraphs of the editorial sum it up:

This year, thanks to the credit mess and slower growth, taxes paid by the rich may fall and the deficit will rise. (The nonstimulating tax rebates will also hurt the deficit.) Mr. Obama proposes to close this deficit by raising tax rates on the rich to their highest levels since the late 1970s. The very groups like the Congressional Budget Office and Tax Policy Center that wrongly predicted that the 2003 investment tax cuts would cost about $1 trillion in lost revenue are now saying that repealing those tax cuts would gain similar amounts. We'll wager it'd gain a lot less.

If Mr. Obama does succeed in raising tax rates on the rich, we'd also wager that the rich share of tax payments would fall. The last time tax rates were as high as the Senator wants them -- the Carter years -- the rich paid only 19% of all income taxes, half of the 40% share they pay today. Why? Because they either worked less, earned less, or they found ways to shelter income from taxes so it was never reported to the IRS as income.


Saturday, July 26, 2008

Get pumped up v2.0

First the 400m final in Hotlanta:

Then the 200m final:

The fastest 200m run since is 0.30 seconds slower than Johnson.

Friday, July 25, 2008

Midget Rape

Why chase a red cloth when there's a midget to rape?

Art's Flip Out of the Week

Brand new jean jacket,
Punching and kicking of teeth,
D-bag eats pavement.

Thursday, July 24, 2008

2 weeks

In honor of the Olympics in two weeks, I'm posting this. Barcelona 1992, Derek Redmond in the 400 meters.

Plenty more Olympic pump =-ups to come.

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

... But I went to high school with John McCain

Greg Oden. You'll be seeing plenty of him here in the future.

His piano playing at the ESPYs dressed up as Elton John was clutch.

Jonathan the Zombie

This is Why Radiohead kicks ass

because they continue to innovate and make badass music and videos.

Here's their latest "House of Cards" from In Rainbows

Here's some behind the scenes vidoes of the technology used to make the video

Here's what Engadget had to say

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

Lightning Bolt of the Week

Somebody's late with the post of the week again, but unlike most of you bastards I actually post something.

I was in Atlantic City on Thursday, and then the Jersey shore for a wedding on Saturday. Everything went according to plan (including winning money), but then my flight was delayed on Sunday due to weather, and I missed my connection. So I had to drive home from Detroit to South Bend - got there at 4:30am Monday - sweet.

What does that have to do with my post - nothing! But here are some nerds who built a machine to play guitar hero. I like guitar hero as much as the next guy (don't knock it until you try it), but what kind of fucking uberdork do you have to be to build this machine. These people are huge losers.

Here's their toy:

Sunday, July 20, 2008

Thursday, July 17, 2008

IRB's Classy People of the Week: Walter edition

This week’s “classy people of the week” is a misnomer - Walter is this week’s classy person of the week. Why is Walter classy? Cause it’s his mothafuckin birfday, and we all know Thursday birthdays lead to classy nights out, and even classier hangovers/reduced work productivity on Friday.

For those of you who aren’t too familiar with Walter’s exploits, I’ll sum up why he’s classy in the next few paragraphs. Don’t worry, there will be pictures for you illiterate Jersey trash.

Reason 1: Canadian power trio

Walter loves him some Rush. Alex Lifeson, Neal Peart, and Geddy Lee really rev his engine. I know what you’re thinking - who doesn’t love a smack of Xanadu across the forehead? Everybody loves Rush. It’s Uncanadian not to. However, Walter’s love of Rush exceeds the occasional “It’s Rush!” text message. His love of Rush is such that he gets excited enough to call me an tell me to buy Rock Band just to play Tom Sawyer. Little does he know that ART and I are planning to start a Tom Sawyer cover band. With real instruments.

Reason 2: Publicly blowing Charlie Weis

As any good Catholic college graduate four year old Notre Dame alum does, Walter thoroughly enjoys Notre Dame Football. And to be fair, yes - I personally enjoy a nice sweater vest every now and again. However, my team didn’t lose to Navy this past year. Walter’s shameless love of all things Cheezburger Charlie leads him to continually talk up the playcaller for the Irish, all the while trashing a certain former coach. It’s OK Walter, I hear that having “real academic standards” is a fair excuse for losing to USC all the time. Oh wait...

Reason 3: India

Everyone wants to travel extensively in their life. A lot of people see travel as a bonus when it’s part of their job. Getting a raise to do so is always nice. It’s a great bargaining chip when you point out the lack of modern living as a way to get more money. Walter himself once told me “When I go I’m pretty sure I’m gonna lose 20 pounds from the heat and from shitting my brains out all day”. The classiest part is the fact that he still hasn’t had to go, after 7 months on the job. Way to finagle more money for nothing you jerk. At least whenever you go, you might get to meet her.

Reason 4: KG

No, he’s not Kevin Garnett. He’s the one, the only Kentucky Gentleman. What’s KG? Just piss poor whiskey. When Walter gets too much in him, he morphs into his alter ego, the Shaftmaster*. In attempts to win beer pong matches, Scrotes McGee is known to expose himself as a defensive move. Think the Statue of Liberty play, adapted for beer pong. And including shaft. Pretty much looks like this:

The shot was too far into the video, but search franks and beans on YouTube if you want to laugh for a while. So not only is he competitive, but he’s pretty much a serial flasher. Classy.

So In summation, Walter is classy as hell. I’d love for you all to share your stories about Walter if you have any more in the comments section. Happy Birthday you son of a bitch. Have a pint of the Gent for me. Here’s a song:

Note: I can't believe isn't porn.

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

Commander Flex Plexico's Mustache of the Week: Jorts Edition

Summer is in full swing ladies and gentlemen, bring out yer jorts!!  I present, for your viewing pleasure, the Mustache of the Week:

Now, you might be asking yourself, "Flex, how can you declare a mustache of the week without actually seeing this gentleman's face??"  Well, boys and girl (maybe?? let's not kid ourselves), this fellow quite obviously has a mustache that would make your upper lips' fall off in shame, for a few simple reasons: 1) jorts are rockin' ^ max, most likely with carpenter hammer loop thingy on the other side, 2) even without a full blown mullet, his hair is still trying it's damnedest to be as creepy as possible and throw a party in the back, 3) because fuck shirts, that's why, 4) his wife easily has him outclassed by at least 4 stone, 5) his son's badass rat tail, which I will singlehandedly bring back into style, even if it kills me, 6) I'm going to assume they're in Florida, because it's common knowledge that "The Swamp" in downtown "Gator Country" is the epicenter of all jorts on the planet, as Tim Tebow currently resides there, and 7) sorry to say, but American flag on the wheelchair.  Apparently, and I'm pretty sure they have sufficient evidence for this, Canada has some interesting nicknames for the lower 48 (they even have Florida as the "Prince Everhard of the Netherlands", which I'm not going to dispute).

And finally, a big birthday shout-out to Walter:

I'm glad you're finding time to get out on the town this summer, what with your "full-time, real job."  Obviously, you brought some work with you in your little backpack.