Friday, May 30, 2008
I think I found the problem. We've almost got it fixed
btw - Lost fucking rules. The finale last night was amazing.
Tuesday, May 27, 2008
First off, thanks to all active service personal and veterans - the sacrifices made by people in the military to defend our freedom are amazing. A tip of the hat to a friend of mine who is a veteran of the 82nd Airborne who sent the following video.
The only thing shocking about this video is how awesome Weezer is - they basically took this blog and made it into a video. They lined up a bunch of you-tube stars and made a sweet video for their new tune 'pork and beans'
Friday, May 23, 2008
Thursday, May 22, 2008
Oh, you don't think he's
1) Nothing is classier than starting your life dressed like somebody out of the Bee Gees. Or Goodfellas. Don't get much better than that.
2a) Nothing is classier than starring in a futurpocalypse movie.
2b) And then following it up with another.
3)How about playing a pervy sea captain? He probably wants to let you swab his poop deck.
4) Or maybe wearing a Tsingtao shirt while hanging out with two dudes who look like the pervy Eurotrash from Eurotrip.
5) How about dressing up as a fireman in order to climb up into someone's bedroom unnoticed?
6) He also stars in G-rated Disney hockey movies. That's as classy as it comes. Instead of being ranked up there with Paul Newman from Slap Shot , he's side-by-side with Gordon Bombay. We all know hockey is for real men, not Disney lore.
If you haven't been convinced Kurt Russell is classy as hell, I ask you to look no further than the movie Death Proof. Not only is he super pervy, but he's a stuntman. Who stares into the camera and fucks your soul. Then kills cars full of attractive ladies, for no apparent reason.
Kurt Russell is
You stay classy, Kurt Russell.
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
In case you haven't guessed already, there is some good news afloat. Gizmodo is hitting us up with the greatness today. First it seems the second gen iPhone release date has been confirmed. The big issue now is whether I can sneak that exoense report by my boss.
Then they drop the knowledge that there may be a MacGyver movie! Talk about awesomeness. I love that show with all my body, including my pee pee. It might be the best movie ever.
Monday, May 19, 2008
Below is a nice little clip from a new show on FSN (foxsports net) called 'Sports Science'. Seems like a nice little idea for a show - they've have episodes in the past with Lance Armstrong talking about his lung capacity and things like that. Really breaking down why some athletes can perform at elite levels and do the things they do.
I think the name of the show really sets us up for what we're going to see below though. Let's look at it in reverse order. First - Science - when one thinks of science there are a lot of connotations involved. We think of designing controlled experiments to test worthwhile hypotheses and finding the real explanations behind things that seem almost unexplainable through those tests.
Second - Sports. Sports conjures up images of the eternal struggle between man and man. A level playing field where athletes train for hours on end to improve their skills in an effort to show superiority over their fellow competitor. A chance the show heart, grit, and determination - the true spirit of man.
Lastly - Fox. Unlike science and sports Fox (the TV network, not the animal) typically does not make is think of the higher ideals of mind and body. In fact Fox typically is associated with dragging us down to the lowest common denominator. For reference see Bundy, Al.
So what happens when we combine Fox, sports, and science? Watch below for your answer.
If you guessed nut shot, you win the prize. If that video doesn't shock you back to work I don't know what will. Leave it to fox to make about 3 good episodes of a new show, and then bring it right into the nut shot. I mean I guess it's sports because they are hitting him with a tennis ball and not a hammer (new show fox construction science coming this fall). The idea is somewhat related to science because they measure his heart rate (surprise - it goes up!).
The only thing I'm left to wonder now is how fox news is going to work nut shots into coverage of the '08 election. The good news is they can carry out their nut shot plans just the same if Barak or Hillary wins.
Sunday, May 18, 2008
You can see my confusion. Why would anybody love this man? So, I took it upon myself to find out why and questioned some mildly attractive impressionable hippie girl who is in college and was wearing a I love Bono T-shirt. This is why chicks love Bono
1) He is sexy.
WRONG! I hate to break it to you ladies, but Bono is Irish. We Irish are about the ugliest people in the world, just ahead of New Jerseyans. The dead give aways that Irish people are ugly are the large number of gingers and the fact that most have the drunk red nose.
2) His lyrics are inspirational.
WRONG! His lyrics suck. A mole, digging in a hole, digging up my soul, going down, excavation (from Elevation). Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah (from that other shitty song).
3) He is a worldly man.
WRONG! No matter where you are from and where you have been if you can't count to 4 in the third most common spoken language in the world and live and work in a country where it is the second most common spoken language, you are not worldly. He either doesn't know the word for four or is a dumbass and thinks that fourteen comes after three.
4) He truly cares about his fellow man.
WRONG! He is pretentious. Just watch, if you can stomach it.
5) He wants World Peace.
MAYBE. But World Peace is for sissies and Europeans.
For all of you out there that love U2, go for the talented one, The Edge, not the sissy one.
Because after all, Bono has never killed the white whale, killed Nazis several times, been Atticus Finch, or fathered the anti-Christ. Only one man has, and he is a true man. His name is Gregory Peck, and he hates Commies and World Peace.
In other news, I think half of Jersey showed up. Not enough tank tops east of the Mississippi for this crowd. On the other hand, there was one Jort sighting. This guy was going nuts all day, and proved to provide numerous people with entertainment. See video:
There were also about 3 guys dressed up as horses. Awesome. Ate some hot Cheetos. Played a couple games of drinkball, had about 16 Miller Lites. Puked hot Cheetos once. Slept for 12 hours last night. Heard one conversation about upcoming prom. Reminded self to always avoid everything Jersey and Philly ever have to offer. Talked about JoePa with some fat guy in a Penn State visor. Saw about 13 pounds of shit floating in each of the porta-johns. Pissed in between porta-johns. Pissed on the porta-john truck.
Drove through some nice
Also, Big Brown easily ran away from the crowd with a surge off the last turn. Should take the Triple Crown this year.
Not sure if we're going back, but hopefully next year we can report from the Derby for you.
Till then, we'll have to report from some baseball and football games.
Friday, May 16, 2008
In preparation for tomorrow's 133rd running of the Preakness stakes I thought I would post this video of the classiness that the good Commander and I will be partaking in tomorrow. I'll be this guy, although I won't have his tact or balance.
We plan on taking Walter's lead and drinking enough Black Eyed Susans to see Barbaro. Or we'll at least see Eight Belles.
Either way, we won't see much horse racing.
If you're lucky, maybe we'll remember to take, and subsequently post some pictures.
Thursday, May 15, 2008
Also, Captain Insano loves house music, to pump him up when he's not listening to Moby.
Newscasters are my classy people of the week. Why? None of this is new, but here's my evidence:
I know what you're going to say. Of course a New York City news reporter is classy. Everyone in New York City is classy. You're right. So what the fuck are you doing? Probably sipping a Perrier, wearing a cravat and playing croquet. Stay classy New York City.
Nothing is classier than reporting sledding from the bottom of the hill. Because if you report from the top, you're a pussy. If you report from the bottom, get mowed over, do a flip, and finish your segment... well you're still a pussy, but at least you did an awesome flip.
Good, classy news starts with connection with the listener. If you're on camera, you should look at the working camera. When reporting from the field, you should look directly at the only camera there. However, you probably should keep an eye out for what's in front of you.
One of the best ways to connect with your listeners is to go to a classy local event and inform them of the fun they can have. Wine is a classy thing, and making wine is even classier. Stomping out wine like the ancients is about as classy as it gets. Honestly, who's classier than the booze pounding, orgy loving, bisexual, pedophile, deity-banging Greeks? Also, watch out for that step, it's a doozy. My only reluctance to use this as classy evidence is the fact that it doesn't help to scream and moan like a choad when trying to report classy things.
However, I will say that there have been some very classy news reporters. For instance Erin Andrews. She’s classy. Because she’s a good sports journalist. She seems to take the obsession of her from the interwebs and on college campuses in stride. That’s why. I feel obligated to post here about EA not only because she's classy, but because people show up to our blog by searching for her.
You stay classy, Erin Andrews.
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
First off, the trunk monkey. These are some great ads. They really make you wish the trunk monkey is real. If I had a nickel for every time I needed a monkey to some dude's ass, kick some kid's ass, act as midwife, bribe a police officer, hit a car thief on the head, or protect my daughter I'd be a rich man.
Other things monkeys are awesome at - drinking:
rocking out like Slash:
In case you've missed the point monkeys kick ass, and you don't - especially you Captain Insano.
In a discussion with Captain Insano yesterday, I was informed that Moby doesn't sample music, he just creates new music.
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
Monday, May 12, 2008
To prevent any discussion about what constitutes as face-melting that might interfere with drinking on Tuesdays, I am going to suggest that one of the top 5 best face-melters of all time is Slash.
What other man can pull off a hoop nose-ring and a top hat while smoking a cigarette and wailing sweet guitar riffs? Slash is the man.
If anyone should doubt that Slash is top 5 face-melters, check out his two guitar solos. One at 4 minutes and the other at 7 minutes.
Saturday, May 10, 2008
Friday, May 9, 2008
Pedro: Have you asked anybody yet?
Napoleon Dynamite: No, but who would? I don't even have any good skills.
Pedro: What do you mean?
Napoleon Dynamite: You know, like numchuk skills, bow hunting skills, computer hacking skills... Girls only want boyfriends who have great skills.
Pedro: Aren't you pretty good at drawing, like animals and warriors and stuff?
Napoleon Dynamite: Yes... probably the best that I know of.
Pedro: Just draw a picture of the girl you want to take out... and give it to her for like a gift or something.
Napoleon Dynamite: That's a pretty good idea.
Girls do like guys with skills. Do you have any skills? This bear has excellent bowstaff skills. I wanted to embed this video, but I wasn't allowed, please check it out - it's worth your time (like your really worried about your time if you're here)
Any this guy has excellent douch-bag skills, but a cool T-shirt
Thursday, May 8, 2008
Wednesday, May 7, 2008
Tuesday, May 6, 2008
Monday, May 5, 2008
Today I'm going to shock you with how bad M. Night Shama-lama-ding-dong is. I would offer further comment, but the trailer for his new 'movie' does it all for me.
Robot Chicken has already broken this one down for me, so I'll shamelessly steal their work
Sunday, May 4, 2008
Don't mess with ghosts, unless you happen to be one, or want to be one, except gingers.
Saturday, May 3, 2008
Type: Mixed drink
Primary alcohol by volume:
* Bourbon whiskey
Served: over crushed, or shaved ice.
Standard garnish: mint leaves
Standard drinkware: tall glass, or julep cup
Commonly used ingredients:
* 3 oz. (90 mL) Bourbon whiskey
* 4 to 6 sprigs mint leaves
* granulated sugar, to taste
Preparation: Put mint, sugar, and a small amount of crushed or shaved ice into the bottom of a julep cup or tall glass. [Optional: Muddle the mint and sugar, then let stand for a bit to allow the broken leaves to release their flavor.] Add bourbon whiskey, top off with crushed or shaved ice, and stir well to mix and chill the libation.
Maybe if I have enough of them I'll see Barbaro again.
Friday, May 2, 2008
I feel a Yeti's 80's video of the week theme coming on here.
This weeks flip out brings multiple levels of Hardness (definitely brought out mine). Here are some important pointers for achieving full hardness during a flip out clearly demonstrated by these guys...
1) Send your opponent into an awkward state of arousal by eating their blood
2) An awkward state of arousal naturally leads to torn clothing and ultimately man chest
3) Losing body parts only increases flip out related hardness
4) One liners will leave your opponent flaccid while increasing your hardness to undefeatable levels (unless it doesn't)
Just remember...if you can't beat them, flip out harder than them...for your health!