Sunday, May 18, 2008

The Bono Conundrum

There has been some talk on the blog of music as of late, Slash melts faces and Moby is not good. When thinking about music, there is one thing that I can't understand. Why do girls love U2? More specifically, why do girls love Bono?

You can see my confusion. Why would anybody love this man? So, I took it upon myself to find out why and questioned some mildly attractive impressionable hippie girl who is in college and was wearing a I love Bono T-shirt. This is why chicks love Bono

1) He is sexy.

WRONG! I hate to break it to you ladies, but Bono is Irish. We Irish are about the ugliest people in the world, just ahead of New Jerseyans. The dead give aways that Irish people are ugly are the large number of gingers and the fact that most have the drunk red nose.

2) His lyrics are inspirational.

WRONG! His lyrics suck. A mole, digging in a hole, digging up my soul, going down, excavation (from Elevation). Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah (from that other shitty song).

3) He is a worldly man.

WRONG! No matter where you are from and where you have been if you can't count to 4 in the third most common spoken language in the world and live and work in a country where it is the second most common spoken language, you are not worldly. He either doesn't know the word for four or is a dumbass and thinks that fourteen comes after three.

4) He truly cares about his fellow man.

WRONG! He is pretentious. Just watch, if you can stomach it.

5) He wants World Peace.

MAYBE. But World Peace is for sissies and Europeans.

For all of you out there that love U2, go for the talented one, The Edge, not the sissy one.

Because after all, Bono has never killed the white whale, killed Nazis several times, been Atticus Finch, or fathered the anti-Christ. Only one man has, and he is a true man. His name is Gregory Peck, and he hates Commies and World Peace.

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