Half-assed recap anyone? OK, half-assed recap it is.

Thursday: Arrived in Cbus. Went to the Library to watch the USC/Beavers game. Beavers for the win. Drank gin.

Friday: Yeti vomits at 9 AM. Shower, get Arby's drive through. Get on 270. Vomit in car - more specifically in Arby's bag, which is in the car. Clock reads 12:30. Double puke. Whee!



Get to south bend, hangovers abound. Watch "Leave it to the Real Beavers" in Walter's living room while waiting for him. Checked out campus. Saw two guys in gay hats hugging.

Went to eat huge burgers. Then went to some bar. There were a couple awesome people we had to document:
This guy still had the tag on his sport coat:


This guy had a tattoo that said "Made in Taiwan" on his neck:


This guy had a misshaped bald head:


Then we went home and watched Open Water 2: Adrift. Watch it, it's breathtaking!!

Saturday we went to the game. Game started at 3:30, tailgating started around 9. I had a hangover and needed to poop because of the big burger. Failure abounded. Drinking proceeded slowly for me. Walter and the Yeti drank the beers shotgun style:


We took one picture that we can frame and put by our beds so we can sleep near each other every night:


The game was OK. More like Pur-don't!!

Then we went back to the tailgate, a few more beers, some more at Walter's house and then sleep.

On the trip back, we documented a house with three (THREE!!!) cameros in front of it. Check this sweet shit out:

(God Bless The Midwest)

All in all, a great weekend. Next year we'll convene in Columbus Ohio.

Bring your green hat

Weekend Itinerary:

Thursday evening fly BWI - CMH. Get picked up from airport by Yeti. Proceed to drink at The Library. Maybe get a little drunk.

Friday: Drive from Columbus to South Bend, IN to stay with the ever-so-popular Walter Shobchak. Proceed to wear red satin jacket (cause that's what they like in South Bend) and drink copious amounts of booze. Then eat a sub and pass out.

Saturday: Tailgate with many Catholics, do my best to fit in and not make fun of Charlie Weis. Go to Purdue (apparently it's more like PurDon't) ND game at 2:30. Fall asleep from the lack of offense, then wake up to watch the final game winning field goal drive. Tailgate more after game, then drink till we can't feel feelings anymore.

Sunday: Drag ass back to Cbus to catch flight back to DC.

(Maybe) We'll post some pictures from the weekend when we're back. Not sure if we'll remember to take any (or if Walter can keep his sack out of any of them).

Word.

If the kids can fight, the kids should drink.

Good to see Ohio State at the forefront of something other than a riot.

IRB's Classy People of the Week: Walter edition

This week’s “classy people of the week” is a misnomer - Walter is this week’s classy person of the week. Why is Walter classy? Cause it’s his mothafuckin birfday, and we all know Thursday birthdays lead to classy nights out, and even classier hangovers/reduced work productivity on Friday.

For those of you who aren’t too familiar with Walter’s exploits, I’ll sum up why he’s classy in the next few paragraphs. Don’t worry, there will be pictures for you illiterate Jersey trash.

Reason 1: Canadian power trio



Walter loves him some Rush. Alex Lifeson, Neal Peart, and Geddy Lee really rev his engine. I know what you’re thinking - who doesn’t love a smack of Xanadu across the forehead? Everybody loves Rush. It’s Uncanadian not to. However, Walter’s love of Rush exceeds the occasional “It’s Rush!” text message. His love of Rush is such that he gets excited enough to call me an tell me to buy Rock Band just to play Tom Sawyer. Little does he know that ART and I are planning to start a Tom Sawyer cover band. With real instruments.

Reason 2: Publicly blowing Charlie Weis



As any good Catholic college graduate four year old Notre Dame alum does, Walter thoroughly enjoys Notre Dame Football. And to be fair, yes - I personally enjoy a nice sweater vest every now and again. However, my team didn’t lose to Navy this past year. Walter’s shameless love of all things Cheezburger Charlie leads him to continually talk up the playcaller for the Irish, all the while trashing a certain former coach. It’s OK Walter, I hear that having “real academic standards” is a fair excuse for losing to USC all the time. Oh wait...

Reason 3: India



Everyone wants to travel extensively in their life. A lot of people see travel as a bonus when it’s part of their job. Getting a raise to do so is always nice. It’s a great bargaining chip when you point out the lack of modern living as a way to get more money. Walter himself once told me “When I go I’m pretty sure I’m gonna lose 20 pounds from the heat and from shitting my brains out all day”. The classiest part is the fact that he still hasn’t had to go, after 7 months on the job. Way to finagle more money for nothing you jerk. At least whenever you go, you might get to meet her.

Reason 4: KG



No, he’s not Kevin Garnett. He’s the one, the only Kentucky Gentleman. What’s KG? Just piss poor whiskey. When Walter gets too much in him, he morphs into his alter ego, the Shaftmaster*. In attempts to win beer pong matches, Scrotes McGee is known to expose himself as a defensive move. Think the Statue of Liberty play, adapted for beer pong. And including shaft. Pretty much looks like this:



The shot was too far into the video, but search franks and beans on YouTube if you want to laugh for a while. So not only is he competitive, but he’s pretty much a serial flasher. Classy.

So In summation, Walter is classy as hell. I’d love for you all to share your stories about Walter if you have any more in the comments section. Happy Birthday you son of a bitch. Have a pint of the Gent for me. Here’s a song:

Note: I can't believe Shaftmaster.com isn't porn.

IRB's Classy People of the Week: June 5th

This week's classy people of the week are a group of folks that like to party - hockey players. Who doesn't like to party? Not anybody I want to know. Following a big win (say in game 6 of the Stanley Cup Finals), the team likes to party. Lord Stanley's Cup is by far the best trophy/cup/medal/ribbon/bowl you can win. You spend your whole life training for it. You spend 2 months growing a playoff beard for it. There is only one Stanley Cup, and it keeps growing. If your team wins the cup, you're on it forever. However, the cup is classy mainly because you can put things in it.

What things? How about, say, a 6 month old baby. Nothing classier than putting your child up about 6 feet in the air in a bowl for a photo opportunity.


Now, it's well know that hockey players (much like baseball players) like to drink. Well goddamn, you can put booze in it too!


After that, you drink out of the cup.


Traditionally, players can take the cup home with them for a day. Each player can do what they want with it, as long as they're accompanied by a member of the Hockey Hall of Fame.

It's gotta be awkward standing outside a guys bedroom when you know he's doing this with the cup:


Of course, the gayestclassiest thing hockey players do immediately follows the end of the game. They cheer, yell, cry, and then jump in a man-pile around the cup. Example:


That's a big beard-pile.

Preakness Recap

Important stuff first: between the Commander and myself, we saw one boob. One. Not even the twin. Just one boob.

In other news, I think half of Jersey showed up. Not enough tank tops east of the Mississippi for this crowd. On the other hand, there was one Jort sighting. This guy was going nuts all day, and proved to provide numerous people with entertainment. See video:



There were also about 3 guys dressed up as horses. Awesome. Ate some hot Cheetos. Played a couple games of drinkball, had about 16 Miller Lites. Puked hot Cheetos once. Slept for 12 hours last night. Heard one conversation about upcoming prom. Reminded self to always avoid everything Jersey and Philly ever have to offer. Talked about JoePa with some fat guy in a Penn State visor. Saw about 13 pounds of shit floating in each of the porta-johns. Pissed in between porta-johns. Pissed on the porta-john truck.

Drove through some nice ghetto apartments housing projects on the way in. Thought I saw the flip out of the week happening a few cars ahead of us.

Also, Big Brown easily ran away from the crowd with a surge off the last turn. Should take the Triple Crown this year.

Not sure if we're going back, but hopefully next year we can report from the Derby for you.

Till then, we'll have to report from some baseball and football games.

133rd Preakness Stakes

In preparation for tomorrow's 133rd running of the Preakness stakes I thought I would post this video of the classiness that the good Commander and I will be partaking in tomorrow. I'll be this guy, although I won't have his tact or balance.



We plan on taking Walter's lead and drinking enough Black Eyed Susans to see Barbaro. Or we'll at least see Eight Belles.

Either way, we won't see much horse racing.

If you're lucky, maybe we'll remember to take, and subsequently post some pictures.

Aussie, Aussie, Aussie!!!! Goon, goon, goon!!!

And they said that rugby was the Aussie's official sport. Clearly it's Goon... of... Fortune!!!

Run for the Roses

Derby Day today. I'll be drinking this.



Mint Julep
Type: Mixed drink
Primary alcohol by volume:

* Bourbon whiskey

Served: over crushed, or shaved ice.
Standard garnish: mint leaves
Standard drinkware: tall glass, or julep cup
Commonly used ingredients:

* 3 oz. (90 mL) Bourbon whiskey
* 4 to 6 sprigs mint leaves
* granulated sugar, to taste

Preparation: Put mint, sugar, and a small amount of crushed or shaved ice into the bottom of a julep cup or tall glass. [Optional: Muddle the mint and sugar, then let stand for a bit to allow the broken leaves to release their flavor.] Add bourbon whiskey, top off with crushed or shaved ice, and stir well to mix and chill the libation.

Thanks wikipedia

Maybe if I have enough of them I'll see Barbaro again.

Mind your drink

Next time you neck with some broad, remember her drink is open to the public.  

Welcome to the Weekend

Time to drink your sorrows away!



I'm getting out work early today. Time to get out of here in 30 minutes beeee-othces!