Hey NBC, Fuck You

NBC just gave tips on how to deal with sleep deprivation while watching the olympics.

#5: Skip work (you're not going to see another Olympics like this anyways).

Yea, no shit. Until someone else covers the Olympics. Then maybe we'll see a decent Olympics. There's good coverage, but not on NBC. You can show basketball live, but track gets tape delayed 12+ hours. The world record was set in the men's 100, for fuck's sake. CNN.com told me all about it. However, I couldn't find video anywhere cause your stupid fuckhole asses have the Olympics on lockdown.

Just now, Cris Collinsworth just creamed himself talking about Michael Phelps. There's a lot more going on besides Phelps. Yes, he did something amazing. No, we won't see it again soon. But he's from Towson, not Baltimore. He goes to M*ch*g*n. His ass pales in comparison to Misty May-Treanor's. So let the American public form their own opinion, for fuck's sake.

I love the Olympics. I want to see track and field. I want to see basketball. I want to see soccer. I want to see swimming. Fuck, I like to watch badminton when it's good. I don't want to watch someone warm up for a swim when I know that somewhere in Beijing there's good competition going on. And for the love of god, I don't want to see Bob Costas in front of Chairman Mao while he talks about how much he loves the Great Wall.

NBC - You're a bunch of bullshit. In my household we learned at a young age that CBC has much better olympic coverage. Fuck you. I'm 300% afraid of what you'll do to the Super Bowl.

ART's (late) Flip out of the Week

The bulls nostrils flare
Man's anus flares even more
Put a cork in it

It's just like, It's just like, a mini .... mall!

Flea Market
Montgemery

IRB's Classy People of the Week: June 26th

Everybody loves music, even if it is shitty Swedish music. Almost everybody loves sports (hell even hippies love frisbee). But when the two mix, that's when things are at their classiest. So this week's classy people of the week are athletes who have music albums (also known as mathletes).

I know what you're thinking - how is this different from a celebrity releasing an album and hoping it does well based on their popularity? Well, to begin with athletes are just cooler. It'd be a hell of a lot more fun to hang out with someone like Jon Daly than Johnny Depp any day of the week. They get paid as much, but they get to play games for a living. The American Dream is playing sports for a living (or inventing something dumb like the drop ceiling) and getting rich. If you have the extra cash laying around, why not make an album?

Here's a few reasons why sports albums are shitclassy:

1) ESPN pushes the fact that they have an album and shove it down our throats - especially if they're from Boston or New York.



Bronson Arroyo plays the guitar. He recorded an album after the Sox won their first recent Series. According to Wikipedia one song on his album was a collaboration with Johnny Damon, Kevin Youkilis, and Lenny Denardo - the fucking Red Sox victory song. Way to cash in on opportunity, douchebag. Nice cornrows by the way. I guess he's going along with the idea that you need to have cornrows to release an album. The precedent has been set in the past, by guys like AI. Cornrows are classy.

2) To be a legit album, you ought to spell your name out as an acronym, like N.E.R.D. or O.A.R.



This is exactly the formula that Kobe (pre-rape) followed to make his album, which featured 50 Cent, Tyra Banks, and Broady Boy. Even more proof that Kobe can't win by himself.

3) You rap about how hard things have been for you (while suspended from your sport)



I know Artest had lots of time on his hands after beating Eminem's ass in the stands in Detroit, but come on - you're a professional athlete, not a rapper. At least he recorded a song about what happened in the Palace. Because we all needed to be reminded of it. Call me when you sell over 400 copies of your album in one week. Making a poor selling album is classy.

4) Your album is in French.



Isn't there some law against French point guards trying to look hard? More on this another day. Tony Parker - reasons the French suck, part 2.

5) One album can't stop you because you're a nonstop rapping machine.




Now Shaq's rapping is awesome, mainly because Shaq is the man. He turns the table on another rapping athlete (and rapist) Kobe Bryant. This happened in the past week and served as my motivation.



You stay Classy Shaq Diesel. Kobe - tell me how my ass taste.

As a side note - Check out Jon Kitna's wikipedia page and pay close attention to his college career. Also worth noting is the fact that he spells his first name without the "H" because he thinks he's too cool for that.

Reasons the French suck, Part I

Frédéric Weis. Drafted in 1999 by the New York Knickerbockers with the 15th overall pick. Did not sign, now cowering somewhere in the Iberian Peninsula, which is hard to do when you're 7' 2". That may be his official height, but he plays as tall as a 5 foot ginger. Even has a fruity name with all those accent marks. Isn't it impossible to have 2 accents in one word? (Piss off English majors, that's my thorough understanding of our language)

Why is he the first reason France sucks?



Because of that.

The French suck.

Superhero Revelation

See more funny videos at CollegeHumor

Gay-up the ocean

Incredibly gay duo

Captain Planet sulks

The Bono Conundrum

There has been some talk on the blog of music as of late, Slash melts faces and Moby is not good. When thinking about music, there is one thing that I can't understand. Why do girls love U2? More specifically, why do girls love Bono?

You can see my confusion. Why would anybody love this man? So, I took it upon myself to find out why and questioned some mildly attractive impressionable hippie girl who is in college and was wearing a I love Bono T-shirt. This is why chicks love Bono

1) He is sexy.

WRONG! I hate to break it to you ladies, but Bono is Irish. We Irish are about the ugliest people in the world, just ahead of New Jerseyans. The dead give aways that Irish people are ugly are the large number of gingers and the fact that most have the drunk red nose.

2) His lyrics are inspirational.

WRONG! His lyrics suck. A mole, digging in a hole, digging up my soul, going down, excavation (from Elevation). Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah (from that other shitty song).

3) He is a worldly man.

WRONG! No matter where you are from and where you have been if you can't count to 4 in the third most common spoken language in the world and live and work in a country where it is the second most common spoken language, you are not worldly. He either doesn't know the word for four or is a dumbass and thinks that fourteen comes after three.

4) He truly cares about his fellow man.

WRONG! He is pretentious. Just watch, if you can stomach it.

5) He wants World Peace.

MAYBE. But World Peace is for sissies and Europeans.

For all of you out there that love U2, go for the talented one, The Edge, not the sissy one.

Because after all, Bono has never killed the white whale, killed Nazis several times, been Atticus Finch, or fathered the anti-Christ. Only one man has, and he is a true man. His name is Gregory Peck, and he hates Commies and World Peace.

Indian Walter

For many people, traveling to a foreign land can be an enlightening and rewarding experience. Unfortunately (in India) after multiple monkey bites and several violent gastrointestinal episodes, a healthy American will be instantaneously transformed into his flamboyantly gay (homosexual) Indian counterpart.