Why we love Jim Mora

I can never get enough of these clips. Luckily someone on youtube took the time to roll all of rants into one video.

Enjoy

Commander Flex Plexico's Mustache of the Week (6/9): U.S. Open Edition

I've been getting some requests from my fellow bloggers to keep up with current mustache related events.  So, in line with the times, today's blog will feature notable mustaches of the PGA Tour, in honor of the U.S. Open.

From the Mustache Open, keep up the good work, boys

If any of our readers have played EA's Tiger Woods golf games, our first mustachioed face might be one they know better than they may believe.  Gary McCord, golf commentator, easily the best mustache in all of golf, and master of the obvious (Yes, Gary!! Thank you for pointing out that I should avoid hitting 4 shots in a row into the water on the 17th at Sawgrass, I was unaware).  In all fairness, Mr. McCord might not even still be doing the in-game play-by-play, the last few installments I've turned off the commentators before I even began playing; the pros don't have to put up with his shit, so neither do I. 

Gary McCord: The John Madden of Golf

Next is an elusive beast: the victorious golf mustache, shown in prime form.  That's Corey Pavin, and that is Corey Pavin's mustache claiming it's prize.  As you will see, the success rate for golfing mustaches is remarkably low.

Pavin's mustache can only be appeased with large cups . . . . large cups and blood

If we look at any of the truly great golfers (Nicholas, Palmer, Player, Woods, etc.), we notice an inverse correlation between mustached-ness and goodness.  These boys are as smooth as the day they popped out.  Now, if we've learned anything from my mindless ramblings, which I really pray you haven't, greatness in sport is achieved through mustaches, so if greatness in golf is achieved sans mustache, then, via the transitive property, golf =/= sport, literally, golf is 1/sport.

Next we can see . . . . OH WHAT THE FUCK!!!  Honestly, readers, I don't give a shit about this.  If you've gathered anything from my previous postings, watching / following professional golf is low on my sports priorities.  Maybe if these pansies carried their own bags, didn't make millions of dollars, or didn't bang their egregiously hot wives so much, they might have the time to take up a real sport, like Gloucestershire Cheese Rolling.  That motherfucker is a champion amongst men, and he gets a cheese wheel, so everyone wins.  

Look at this next guy, Miguel Angel Jimenez.  Perhaps it's the soul-glowed ginger perm talking, but this guy reminds me of Captain Insano, circa 1976, with just a hint of Nicholas Cage smile (look closely). 

"I'm looking for a treasure map on the back of the Declaration of Independence . . . . in 1976" 

This next gentleman might be the best known mustache in golf, Craig Stadler, aptly named "The Walrus," most likely due to his penchant for dinning on penguins mid round.  Seriously golf . . . SERIOUSLY?!?!

He is the Walrus . . .

Now, to be frank with you readers, this post has been stewing since Tiger Woods made his infamous (at least, in my eyes) comments a week or so ago, questioning whether anyone still pays attention to hockey, namely the Stanley Cup Fucking Finals.  I'm not gonna stand here on my e-soapbox and scream about how NHL viewership is up by X% over the last 3 year period, or how golf's target demographic is the same as "Oops, I Crapped My Pants," even though this being the American Internet, I have every right, neigh, duty to do just that.  I'm just going to say, why start shit, Tiger?  Hell, I enjoy playing golf, as do many other hockey players, and yes, most people would rather race to Boone's Farm than watch an early season NHL game between the Blackhawks and the Blues.  But every other opportunity you've had to take a stand on anything: Fuzzy Zoeller, Rory Sabatini, that chick and her lynching comments, you've dodged like Peter LeFleur.  But you're going to kick the NHL when it's down?? (which, in all fairness, is most of the time).  Tiger, being the big deal that you are, and making more money in a day than this blog will be worth if we were to post the cure for the creepin' herp', makes it so that you have nearly limitless influence with your words.  Take a stand against racism, poverty, homelessness, drugs, violence, foreign wars, gingervitis, whatever.  But don't pick on the scrawny ginger of current events that is the NHL.  Because I'm sure you've never done a bag skate, and I know you've never "climbed the mountain" repeatedly, and I'm damn sure you've never held the collective efforts of 22 other guys on your ability to come through when they need you.  Hockey is beautiful, just like golf is in it's own way, so don't be a douche . . . . lest people might learn a thing or two about Tiger Woods . . .

My prediction, Tiger wins, like usual.  This story is getting old, is there anything else on??

-Flex

Reasons the French suck, Part I

Frédéric Weis. Drafted in 1999 by the New York Knickerbockers with the 15th overall pick. Did not sign, now cowering somewhere in the Iberian Peninsula, which is hard to do when you're 7' 2". That may be his official height, but he plays as tall as a 5 foot ginger. Even has a fruity name with all those accent marks. Isn't it impossible to have 2 accents in one word? (Piss off English majors, that's my thorough understanding of our language)

Why is he the first reason France sucks?



Because of that.

The French suck.

Dance of the Week

Original skit (8/10 for disco moves and head bobbing)

Remix (10/10 for best dance to this song before the song was ever created)

Male gymnasts aren't just gay

They're also uncoordinated.

If you take Captain Insano into account, they're also not flexible.

Nut Shot Hall of Fame Nominee

Saw this over at With Leather




I only have one question. How the hell is he walking?

Euro 2008 Preview (Part IX)

And now for the finale...


Italy



Looks like a boot, probably smells like feet.




Holy fuck your tower is going to fall over.



Wife of goalie, captain, and lucky son of a bitch Gianluigi Buffon.


Russia



The map of the country is too fucking big to fit in the picture.




When you think of Russia you think of vodka, snow, vodka, communists, snow, smoking hot tennis players, vodka and buildings that look like this. Bet you thought I would have gone for a picture of a tennis player, huh?




Miss Russia 2006, Tatiana Kotova. I love when they bring friends.


That wraps up the preview of Euro 2008. As Ron Burgundy pointed out, it is a shame that England and their far superior WAGs could not qualify for this little shindig. They should be ashamed of themselves for not sharing their wealth with the rest of us.

As far as the football goes ...

I'll take Portugal and the Czech Republic out of Group A. Germany and Croatia out of Group B.
Italy and the eyesore that is the Netherlands out of Group C. Spain and Sweden out of Group D.

To avoid further embarrassment I will pick the quarterfinals after the group stage is over. Oh, and I will get some more girly pics, cause I am quite certain that is the only thing you are reading this for.

Update: Ron Burgundy says I have to pick a winner, so I pick Spain*

*I reserve the right to amend this when Spain chokes and underachieves usual.

It's coming!

The new Iphone is going to be annouced in a little over an hour.

I will be getting one. I wonder if my boss will be signing an expense report?

Euro 2008 Preview (Part VIII)

I was once told "anything in excess is funny" I hope that is true as the preview continues...

Turkey



This is Turkey



It is a nice looking country, unfortunately no nice looking women reside there.



Instead you get a picture of your next thanksgiving dinner (trust me, better looking than the Turkish women I found).


Romania



I know nothing about Romania, if you are interested I am sure Wikipedia can help.



What I wouldn't give to be there instead of a lab that is air conditioned to a balmy 62 degrees.




This is Martina Stella, she has been linked to Romanian striker Adrian Mutu (the dude who owes Chelsea 18 million because he got busted with coke). In Adrian's defense I am sure all of us would go out and get some coke if we had the chance to take if off of that ass.

Euro 2008 Preview (Part VII)

Only 6 countries to go...


Netherlands




All you will ever need to know about the Netherlands is that Amsterdam is located there.




I take that back there are two things you need to know about the Netherlands 1) Amsterdam 2) it is full of dikes. Not those kind, the kind that hold the North Sea back from causing imminent doom and despair.




This is the first football related issue tackled here in the preview, and it only shows up to serve as a warning not to watch the Dutch games if you have a HDTV. The orange in their uniforms is scientifically proven to burn holes in your retina when viewed in HD (Don't say you weren't warned).



This is Rafael van der Vaart's WAG, not bad if you ask me.


Croatia




The home of civil war. At least I think that is their motto, I could be wrong.




If you are not into killing your fellow countryman, Croatia appears to have some pleasant scenery.





Pictured is Thomas Rosicky's wife (all that orange would make you believe her husband was Dutch). Rosicky is injured and unable to play in Euro 2008, but as a consolation he gets to rehab with her.