Wednesday, April 23, 2008

Commander Flex Plexico's Mustache of the Week (4/21): Inaugural Edition

                                                Rollie Fingers: Raw Steel and Sex Appeal

To give hope to some of our less follicly gifted readers, Mr. Fingers didn't always sport such a manly 'stache:

Is that a hall-of-fame pitcher, or your Chem I TA??

Interestingly enough, Mr. Fingers grew his mustache on a bet, as all great mustaches have been grown from the beginning of time.  Also of particular note, Finger's hadn't posted an ERA below 3.3 before the year 1972, when it dropped precipitously to 2.5, followed by a 1.9 a year later!!  I'll give you one guess: what year do you think he grew his mustache??  That's right, 19-fuckin'-72!!!  This alone raises some questions.  Obviously, the power of his mustache aided in the drop in ERA.  Fingers chalked up 113 strike outs in 1972; conservative estimates say his mustache alone struck out 78 batters.  Who needs HGH ??  Grow a 'stache pansies, performance enhancing facial hair!!  However, I ask you, how could this man invest the time required for his career to flourish when he most obviously was also involved in the adult entertainment industry (hypothetically)??  And if he had no role in skin films, the question remains, have you ever seen a name / mustache combination more perfectly suited to porn in your life (besides, of course, Commander Flex Plexico)??

Rollie receives 10 Golden Moustachios out of 10.  We here at Commander Flex Plexico's Mustache of the Week salute you, Sir.

Until next week, I leave you with a quote from that Domino's commercial, "Give it time, Kevin.  It'll fill out."

-The Commander

1 comment:

Walter Sobchak said...

you're one mustache short for the mustache of the week. For the record you only needed one mustache to begin with