Thursday, May 8, 2008

IRB?'s Classy People of the Week, May 8th

Before I get started, I'd like to apologize for big Flex.  He couldn't post a mustache of the week yesterday because his wrists are too limp (see: flaming).  Hopefully he'll be back next week.

This week's classy people of the week are a group that we all love.  They are looked down upon, but not in an "I'm better than you" sort of way.  They entertain us.  They combine everyone's love of professional wrestling with the hilarity cuteness classiness of a little person.  That's right.  Midget wrestlers are this week's classy people of the week.

I'm not one to mock midgets, seeing as how some would say I border on being a midget, my being 5'8".  I've been to Casey's Draft House in Pittsburgh, and love me some midget as much as everyone else.  When someone throws $10 down on the bar and a midget jumps on the bar and pours a shot into everyone at the bar's mouth, you can't help but love midgets.  Midgets provide booze.
Pittsburgh hasn't figured out political correctness just yet.

So midgets are just classy as hell in general, as we have seen.  Combine this with the already classy professional wrasslin, and you might as well get in your Bentley move the the Hamptons.

When put in the ring, a midget is as classy as they come.  Point A:

This furry guy.

This beast combines the awesomeness of a midget and wrestling, he also embodies flamboyant mexican luchadores.  Not only is he nimble (as all midget wrestlers must be to overcome their lack of power) but he's also furry.  How is that a good thing?  It just is.  Best of all he allows himself to have this happen to him:

Oh, I guess I should have said that if you're squeamish you might not want to watch this.

Point B:

Due to their diminutive stature, midget wrestlers are able to accomplish feats that normal sized wrestlers cannot achieve.  They can simply run between a full-sized wrestler's legs, without having to duck or slow down.  Most importantly they have abnormally thick skin on their foreheads, which allows them to pull off this most impressive move:

Also, my bad.  Kinda gross.

Add all these facts that the well known fact that midgets have an organ whose sole purpose is to produce magic, and we've got our classy people of the week.

1 comment:

Walter Sobchak said...

That first video may be the greatest thing I have ever seen